Handing in homework

After Our first therapy session, we were given homework.

We had started out reasonably well with our mutual, daily expressions of affirmation, but they had largely petered out. With 3 weeks since Our first session, (our 2nd session was delayed by both Xmas and illness) for me at least, it had become hard work. Whilst my Wife had said some pleasing things, I’d run out of steam and whatever I came up with felt

forced and false. So I stopped. (Spending more that a week laid up with influenza had been a convenient excuse.) Either away, She had noticed too.

A couple of nights before Our second session, She mentioned the homework. Did we need to discuss it? I thought not.
The part I least wanted to discuss was our Three Lists of Three: things we wanted to Keep, Discard and Introduce.  I’d come up with …

Keep

  1. Our marriage

Only 1 think I want to keep?
Yes. [Shrugs.]
I find it difficult to dissect The Good. Goldilocks’ chair is just right because … because it’s just right. If it wasn’t, there would be aspects that were lacking – too hard, too soft – but there aren’t, so it’s just right.
So yeah, there was only one thing I could think of that I wanted to keep. Our marriage.

Discard

  1. Hierarchy
  2. Intellectual territory
  3. Rejection

Hierarchy, I think I’ve mentioned before. There is a power struggle in Our relationship. My Wife is a self confessed control freak, and whilst I don’t mind not being in charge a lot of the time, I don’t deal well with being a lesser partner.
Intellectual territory is a phrase I’ve recently distilled from much thought. There are topics of conversation for which my opinion is either of less value, or is some cases where I dare not venture an opinion. These typically involve my Wife’s personal and professional interests. Politics. Art. And a conspicuous example, which I think feeds into much of Our difficulties is feminism.
Rejection cones in many forms – if I do Her ironing it’s unappreciated. Organising a surprise trip away, or evening out would be the wrong thing to do. The underwear I bought Her was rejected because it objectified Her. I gave up initiating sex before We were even married because I was sick of being rejected.

Introduce

  1. A sense of Us
  2. Trust
  3. Stress free, regular, sex

And I think these speak for themselves.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: