I wish we hadn’t talked

Three nights ago we had what started out as a civil conversation. A grown up conversation.

She said something about being a bit clumsy. I queried whether (in the context of what I had learned recently from listening to some of the BBC Radio 4 Woman’s Hour Menopause Week about menopausal women sometimes having issues with clumsiness) this was possibly related to Her menopause. It was not a symptom She was aware of, but She’d bear it in mind.

She didn’t think She was having any others, either. Specifically not mood swings, but was ok with me saying that that was a question in my mind – I’ve not watched the calendar, but I do feel She has been more likely to snap at me unjustifiable over the last few months. Though that may be down to other factors. Or perhaps I’m just feeling more sensitive to it at the moment. On the upside, She suggested it would be ok if I said if I felt it was happening.

I said I wanted to support Her through Her menopause if I could, with the qualification that, when Woman’s Hour had addressed the impact of menopause has on relationships, there was no acknowledgement that whilst women obviously have the symptoms to deal with directly, it impacts on their partners indirectly as they are having to live with and support someone with the stress of disparate symptoms. Much is talked of the negative impact of being a carer for those with mental illness or for the elderly, but that is not reflected in how society regards partners supporting menopausal women. I could easily have expected Her to snipe at me for such a presumptuous thought, but it never happened.

The conversation was all very positive and, after a break for evening parental duties, resumed as an alternative to turning the TV on. It then descended into, at least from my side, venting about our current dynamic.

At the start of the conversation, a couple of gins down, I could quite happily curled up with my Wife in bed. By the end, I felt battered and bruised, and I wanted to run away from Her. I told Her this. She apologised, and professed a greater understanding of my point of view, and pointed out that at some point We needed to talk about sex. As it was, I wished we had not had the conversation, and certainly wasn’t feeling resilient enough to withstand that conversation.

Two mornings later at breakfast, we had another argument that lead unnecessarily to friction and bitterness. From my point of view, my words were twisted into something they had not been and that was then used to beat me.

And the next night, when I already had obligations to other people for today, it was announced that my Wife had booked a therapy session for the next day but had failed to inform me. It was down to me to solve the problem She had created.

After all this, not only was I really pissed off, I really wasn’t in the right frame of mind to be constructive at counselling.

5 Responses to “I wish we hadn’t talked”

  1. corsetandstockings Says:

    Ah the menopause…
    Of course it’s all the man’s fault 😄, you’re in a no win situation

  2. I can empathise with the “having to fix a mess that I haven’t created” bit.
    As for menopause… I’m also wondering about it myself, and I am certainly not happy about some possible symptoms. Libido may not be what it was, but that may also be related to stress. For me, however, I’m lucky that when the right buttons are pushed by the right people, even if I didn’t particularly feel ‘in the mood’ before, or horny… I still get there really fast. In the right mood, I mean. Oh, well, the rest too, lucky me!

    Ok, bad attempt at lightening the mood aside… I feel for you.
    I hope you manage to move forward with your life, one way or another.

    • Not a bad attempt, and not an unsuccessful one.
      May your buttons never be neglected.

      In all seriousness, have a listen to the Woman’s Hour strand. It suffers from their usual thinly veiled misandry at times, but suggests (amongst other things) that your libido may not be under threat.

    • I’m glad I had some success then!
      Lucky me, I’m currently not really suffering too hard from neglect. Absence, difficulty seeing one another (mainly due to the change in my circumstances), yes, but neglect… never!
      I’ll try it, if I ever find the time 😉 I think the lack of libido is mostly due to stress… I know that women even in their 70s still enjoy having a good rump. But I think it’s the perimenopause that is more problematic, trying to get used to the changes, adapting to your new body. And when it is added to the stress thingy… it’s hard to know what leads to what, whether their effects cancel each other out or amplify ten-fold… Sigh! We’ll see! That’s what’s great about life. Never boring 😉

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