Time for a clear out

It’s time for a clear out.

Between the masturbators, anal toys, adult VHS and DVDs, ball stretchers, handcuffs, porn mags, chastity cage, ruberwear, books of vintage porn, pervy ornaments and the now packed-away thong collection … amongst other things … I felt it was time for a clear out.

Partly because there’s just so much pervy paraphernalia that I really don’t get to enjoy very often.
Partly because there’s currently benefit in liquidating some assets. I should bank the cash, but there are a couple of new kinky items I’ve had my eye on for a while and they’d be so much easier to justify on a one-in-one-out basis.
Partly, and this may be of greatest importance, even if not my greatest motivator, because in Our sex therapy sessions my Wife and I are getting close to having to talk about … sex. Yeah, I know. Shock horror! Right?

Anyway …

If We’re going to talk about sex, there’s a reasonable chance that We’re going to have to talk about porn and sex toys and fetishwear and men in G-strings and all the other sorts of things I keep in my little wooden chest of naughty secrets. Hell! We may even have to discuss specific items.

(To be honest, when I went through everything a while back, and put it all in one place, my little wooden chest proved just a little too … well … little … and that now only contains the porn movies and a couple of books. I had to source an old suitcase to take everything else and even that bulges … a little.)

If the contents of my little wooden chest are to be discussed, there’s also a chance my Wife is going to get to see what’s in the suitcase.
No bad thing.
Sort of.
Errrrr ….

There is little in my collection of perversity that I wouldn’t like to share with a partner. Some of it has been shared with past partners. Some of it was bought by partners. None of it is the sort of thing I would expect my Wife to look at and immediately think Ooooh, that looks fun. Can We play with it?! Unfortunately. Whilst I’d sort of like Her to know about it … all of it … and be OK with it … all of it … even consent to play with it … any of it … I honestly don’t know whether it’s worth outing myself. What if She opens the case and says If I’d known you were this much of a sexual deviant I wouldn’t have married you. I think we need to talk to a lawyer. Would that be worth the liberation? Probably not. (Though I’m not going to elaborate on that here. Just take it as read that it’s probably not.)

Should the topic be addressed, much of what’s in there, yes, I guess I could probably be relieved to discuss. The rubberwear, chastity cage, ball stretchers, handcuffs, pervy ornaments, butt plugs, the thong collection. Yeah.
If I knew She could view it all without judging any of it negatively.

It’s probably the porn that my Wife is most likely to be unhappy about, what with Her attitude towards the objectification of women. And y’know what, Dear Reader, if She doesn’t want to engage with it, and wants me to dispose of it, that’s ok. If She is prepared to engage in conversation rather than trying to dictate and set conditions. If there promises to be some middle ground, I’m happy to meet Her there. Sure, I’d like Her to sit down and watch maybe the Erica Lust (porn made by women for women) DVD first, and Caligula and Flesh Gordon are classics I’d kind of like to hang onto (maybe I can rip them to some deeply buried folder on a hard drive) … and ok, the two printed volumes of The Sins Of Our Father really do make me smile … But hell, I’d get rid of it all if She and I had a half decent sex life. The latter two books of Victorian porn were actually worth a few pennies the last time I looked and selling them on eBay could go a long way to funding a good quality, luxury vibrator … no?

No. Not a vibrator. Your probably right. That would be a step too far.

But speaking of eBay …

It’s time for a clear out. So I’ve been looking at what I could sell.

I can’t really justify 5 ball stretchers. I can only wear three at a time, and having invested in a Wedding Ring stretcher (centre) and loved it so much more than my older squarer sectioned collars (left and right) …

… that I felt compelled to purchase a second … And there were a couple of weighted leather ball stretching straps that I’ve not played with for ages … They have all gone on eBay. (Potentially justifying a third Wedding Ring … because I can wear three at a time for a while, and they’re so gorgeous, and that’s actually four-out-one-in … Yay!)

Then there’s the two penis plugs.

Sadly, as much as I love the deviance of these toys, I’ve never really got on with them. The steel plug, looks awesome and I can wear it, but I found extracting it uncomfortable and as it doesn’t flex I’m wary or wearing it for any period of time if I haven’t got a hard-on. Which was why I bought the black silicone plug. That looks almost as good, feels exquisitely smooth to touch, and is hollow so you can theoretically ejaculate whilst wearing it. But I’ve never been able to test this as the diameter is just a little too large for me to insert comfortably, even with copious amounts of lube.

Aside from the CBT toys that have gone on eBay, so have some vintage rubberist magazines which weren’t nearly as stimulating as I’d hoped. And 5 copies of Playboy – I’d bought these as an investment, being the last edition to feature fully naked photosets (including one of Pamela Anderson) and would probably have been significantly more lucrative had Playboy reversed their decision just a year later in the wake of falling sales. Hey ho – such is the investment market!

I may even dispose of some of the VHS pornos … after I’ve got them onto that hard-drive.

Whether these disposals have any impact on our sex therapy remains to be seen. I guess you’ll just have to watch this space, Dear Reader.

2 Responses to “Time for a clear out”

  1. I wish you well with your therapy session, and your ebay bonanza. Would your wife go for a clit stim? Little Switch Bitch has a review of the Womaniser that I love, and they are not overly expensive…

    • Hahahahahahaha …. haha haha ….
      Sorry. I genuinely laughed out loud. Loud enough for the neighbours to hear.
      (Please don’t take that as disparaging what, for other people, might be a really helpful suggestion.)

      I honestly can’t imagine my Wife considering ANY kind of sex toy. And as I’m barely allowed near Her clit EVER (and I suspect She has hardly ever masturbated in Her entire life) I can’t think of many things that would surprise me than Her even wondering about one.
      [The thud of Sam’s head hitting the table is followed by the quiet sobbing of despair.

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