We talked about sex

We talked about sex.
And desire.
And imbalance.
And the natural evolution of marriage.
It seems we may not be quite so alone in our troubles.

Of course I don’t mean my Wife and me!

Dave and I went to a trade show. It meant about a 7hr round trip by car. Our respective domestic situations are not dissimilar, most notably as we are both full-time dads with wives in demanding, executive jobs.

I’ve mentioned to him in the past that my Wife and I have been seeing a marriage guidance counsellor. He has had his share of personal troubles in the last year and Keira, his wife, has suggested he should see a counsellor. We discussed counselling.

It also seems their relationship is not dissimilarly blighted to Ours: whilst we skirted round details, their marriage sounds equally sexless.

An obvious difference between our respective marriages is that Dave has lost interest in Kiera, physically. The way he tells the tale, it seems the cause may be underpinned by his personal tragedies and how, since becoming parents, he sees her as the mother of their children; no longer regarding her sexually. The result – about a year ago he told Kiera he doesn’t desire her any more. Her response – she felt crushed.
Whilst Dave has stopped thinking of his wife sexually, I have felt it necessary to respectively do the same.
[Note : having said I have had to stop thinking about my Wife sexually, to avoid “objectifying” Her (to use Her terminology) that isn’t an absolute. I still sometimes fantasise about fucking Her when I wank.]

The obvious similarity is that their sex life has dried up.
The obvious difference – which partner still wants sex and which doesn’t.
I joked that maybe he and I should swap.
Dave either missed what I had said or chose to ignore it.
The irony of my quip was …

On a couple of occasions, when I have thought about my own marriage, Our non-typical gender roles and Our celibacy, I have mused on the possible solutions for my unrequited lust.

  1. I could suck it up and accept fuckless frustration. The current course of inaction.
  2. I could hire prostitutes. Neither economically viable nor ethically desirable.
  3. I could propose divorce. But that’s pretty damned terminal and, for many reasons, not a future I really want to countenance.
  4. I could have an affair. Realistically, without heading to the internet in search of fellow fornicators, about the only possible place I would meet anyone would be at the school gate. I’ve looked around at the school mums, but whilst there are a few women who are undeniably sexually attractive, there are none to whom I am attracted.

Except one.
I think she is sexy. If I’m honest she is sexier than my Wife, even if only because she has an air of conventional femininity, the mere idea of which my Wife seems to go to reject as a vestige of patriarchy.
This one mum and I get on well and yes, I could easily see myself enjoying a post-coital coffee with her.
And now I learn that she, like me, is sexually frustrated.
Yes, Dear Reader, it’s Kiera. Dave’s wife.

Nothing is going to happen. Or I can’t imagine anything would. I certainly can’t imagine I would be the instigator. Buy I’m ashamed to say I have since wanked myself to sleep whilst fantasising about fucking my friend’s wife.

Past script : A couple of days later I bumped into Dave and Keira together. A quick conversation as we passed in the street. All very civil. And I couldn’t help thinking Dave? How can you not “desire” Keira? Because if I were single and you weren’t a friend, knowing that she’s not getting laid nearly as much as she’d like, I’d struggle not to flirt with her like a feral dog! And then fuck her like a rabbit on speed. Hell yeah, I’d happily put an end to her and my sexless frustration … if only it weren’t for Dave … and my Wife … and my wretched conscience.

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