No touching

I want it said that we ask the big questions on Sunday morning … said Paddy O’Connell, the presenter of Radio 4’s news magazine show, Broadcasting House. And usually they do. Obviously no such show would be complete with out a little levity – a morsel from the Sunday papers to raise a smile or two amongst the middle class educated elite.

Moments earlier, in their review of the Sunday papers, Paddy had

handed over to Hugh Linehan on Amanda Palmer‘s pick from the Sunday Telegraph – a story about how buskers and street performers in London are starting to accept contactless payments rather than the traditional pittance of coins scraped from the bottom of a wallet.
Hugh: There’s a whole bunch of activities, many of them cultural, that rely on cash. And if there’s no cash any more, they’re not going to happen unless you find some way of paying people.
Amanda: As I was saying, I used to be a stripper and what happens to stripping when we turn into a cashless society?
Hugh: Well if there was ever an argument for contactless payment …
Everyone laughed.
Paddy: I want it said that we ask the big questions on Sunday morning …

But before we all despair about the potential demise of striptease, there may be hope. There may yet be aspects of contactless payments that act as an incentive to stripping.

It has been observed that our casual spending levels have increased with the advent of contactless payments. When we waft a bank card a terminal, we are less concerned about how much we are spending. The visible passing of physical currency keeps us in mind of what we are parting with, in comparison to the invisible transactions which are becoming increasingly invisible. I suspect this is more likely to benefit buskers and street performers who’ve historically profited from the aforementioned copper detritus residing at the bottom of pockets than from larger paper currency. But it is not difficult to imagine, just after payday, spending far more than the small fistful of crisp notes we once might have stuffed into a performer’s knickers, especially after a drink or three, when our smartphone gives access to a whole month’s earnings.

But possibly of more interest is the potential for non monetary rewards.
One would think a stripper who appears to be enjoying herself is far more entertaining than one who appears uninspired, and will therefore earn more tips.
Now consider the mechanics of contactless payment. What happens when you receive something electronically?
Your phone buzzes.
Supposing that, before she takes to the stage, a stripper attached a Bluetooth bullet vibe into her g-string. A device that buzzes when a payment is made. Quid pro quo. A better performance results not only in greater transfer of funds, but also the bonus of clitoral stimulation. What better motivation to perform, and what better motivation to pay?
Of course, the stripper is not entirely at the mercy of unscrupulous punters, intent on bringing her to her knees in a pool of her own payment. Far from it. Should she feel it is time to stop, she merely has to finish her act, finally ripping off her g-string and removing the source of vibrations. She has been paid, both financially and orgasmicly, and the audience get to see some pussy.

Yes, Dear Reader, I think the future of stripping is quite safe, especially with the advent of contactless payments.

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