SEP (Somebody Else’s Problem)

Whilst I was looking for the official definition of sex addiction, I stumbled across another classification. And having had a limited knowledge of Greek and etymology, I knew the difference between hyper~ and hypo~

HA00 Hypoactive sexual desire dysfunction
Hypoactive Sexual Desire Dysfunction is characterized by absence or marked reduction in desire or motivation to engage in sexual activity as manifested by any of the following: 1) reduced or absent spontaneous desire (sexual thoughts or fantasies); 2) reduced or absent responsive desire to erotic cues and stimulation; or 3) inability to sustain desire or interest in sexual activity once initiated. The pattern of diminished or absent spontaneous or responsive desire or inability to sustain desire or interest in sexual activity has occurred episodically or persistently over a period at least several months, and is associated with clinically significant distress.

Having already examined whether I am a sex addict, it seemed only fair to examine whether my Wife (technically) has a related disorder.

  1. reduced or absent spontaneous desire (sexual thoughts or fantasies)
    My Wife has far far less interest in sex than any of my other sexual partners, and even that seems to have declined in the last 10yrs. If She get spontaneously horny, it is rarely communicated, if She has any fantasies She has never mentioned them, and I genuinely believe that if She masturbates … has ever masturbated … it has only ever been once in a blue moon.
  2. reduced or absent responsive desire to erotic cues and stimulation
    For years I have been able to walk into the bedroom with an erection and for Her to shown no interest. I’m sure She has been aware of my jerking off next to Her in bed in the middle of the night if I couldn’t sleep or in the morning when I woke too early, yet nothing has ever been said. I’m certain She has seen an item of my latex underwear, along with a significant proportion of my thongs and G-strings, but Her interest has apparently not been piqued. Sexual imagery (such as porn) has only ever been described in negative terms. Verbal sexual comments from me, both overt and veiled, have generally resulted in at least mildly dismissive responses. And I wouldn’t dare put a hand on Her arse. Obviously erotic cues are different for everyone, but I see no evidence of spontaneous response
  3. inability to sustain desire or interest in sexual activity once initiated
    On more than one occasion I have asked if She enjoys wanking me: She gets no direct pleasure from it. And whilst not exclusive, it has not been uncommon, whilst fucking, for me to feel as though She was merely accommodating my sexual needs out of duty.
  4. has occurred episodically or persistently over a period at least several months
    We’ve been together over 15yrs, and it has, to an increasing degree, always been so. We’ve consistently gon 6-9 months without any sexual contact over the last few years which, as I’ve discussed before, is realistically down to my Wife’s lack of sexual motivation.
  5. associated with clinically significant distress
    I can’t say if Her disposition towards sex has resulted directly in stress for Her, but my significant distress has surely lead to a decline I our relationship, and therefore to Hers.

Now I’m not trained in diagnosing psychosexual disorders, and inevitably there is some degree of confirmation bias on my part, but …

4 Responses to “SEP (Somebody Else’s Problem)”

  1. Ouch… It does seem like a sexual mismatch at the very least.
    I confess you intrigued me with your original purpose, I’d like to know if you gained an answer to that question too?
    Indie

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