You’re kidding, right?

Confession: Since I bought my Fun Factory Share XL strapless strap-on almost exactly a year ago, the only orifices it has penetrated have been that of my Fleshlight and my mouth.
Well you would, wouldn’t you?!
Wouldn’t you?
Oh. Ok.
Well I did.

[Ed: Am has long been curious about giving a blow job, and some years ago even got as far as chatting with someone online about meeting up and sucking him off. AM lost his nerve, explained to the guy He just wasn’t sure it was something He was comfortable with (which was graciously accepted) and He never went through with it. But the curiosity endured and part of AM would love to know what it’s like to have an eager, thrusting, twitching hunk of lust erupt in His mouth? And to think, Dear Reader, AM regards Himself as straight!]

In a hetro context, half the point of a strapless strapon, the longer half at least, is anal penetration. Not something that absolutely needs an assistant. So why haven’t I tried fucking myself with it? Well, let’s be honest, the Share XL is … hmmm … XL.

It’s just a little intimidating. My hole is small and the toy is noticeably bigger than my own cock. I know from experience how easing that into someone else’s arse had to be done with patience – I couldn’t just bend them over and ram it through their ring – and the girth of the Share XL is really quite significant. So nothing wider then my Fun Factory Bootie has been up my booty in more years than I’ve kown my Wife.

Which is kind of a pity.

Well, as I put my rubber shirt away the other day, I found myself looking at the dildo and thought … could I?
I’m sure I could, but perhaps I need to work up to it.

Now my Booty plug feels great piercing my sphincter, but Goliath it ain’t.
Unlike its big brother.

I wondered if I need to invest in something intermediate?
Just to help me relax.
I went web window shopping.

Sadly, Fun Factory don’t make the Boosty any more …

… the logical step up, and somehow its sucessor, the Bootie Large, doesn’t have nearly the same ass-appeal. So knowing Lelo are purveyors of equally lauded sex toys, I headed for their website … and found [… cue drum roll …] The Earl.

I instantly smiled. Not because I thought it would do the job, but rather because it appears to come with matching cufflinks.
How cool is that?!
And at that price, I should bloody well hope so!!!
For £1,690.00 (or $2,214.18 US at today’s exchange rate) I’d want not just cufflinks but a highly qualified sodomy technician on 24hr call as well.
OK, it’s 24ct gold, but who the fuck buys a gold butt plug for the price of a second-hand car?
Really?
Who?
And I’m willing to bet it’s not even solid gold.

2 Responses to “You’re kidding, right?”

  1. corsetandstockings Says:

    Love Lelo 😏
    But gold? A bling butt plug? 🙄

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