There’s therapy … and there’s thereapy

The more I think of it, the more I think I might actually talk to a therapist about sex. One of Us needs to, and if my Wife won’t when We see a therapist together, it might as well be me on my own. [Ed: “Might as well?” That’s an odd phrase in the context.]

It’s not that I think therapy works – I’ve yet to see evidence that it does – two bouts of couples’ therapy certainly didn’t work for Us, it doesn’t seem to have done any good for those I’ve known (IRL) who’ve seen therapists, and I doubt it will work for me. That’s possibly a self defeating approach – maybe these things only work if you want them to … or … maybe you can only see the Emperor’s suit if you want to.

So hell … if She won’t engage in fixing Us, let alone get Herself fixed, I might as well look into getting me fixed. [Ed: Another interesting phrase: in the context of pet ownership, getting your dog fixed is a euphemism for castration. Makes ya think, don’t it!]

So I’ve been looking at local therapists.

There is no shortage of counsellors in the area – according to a quick search of an online counselling directory, There are 1052 therapists within 15 miles. [Ed: I thought it was rats you were never supposed to be more than 6ft from? Apparently it’s consellors!] But search for sex positive therapists, and the list is considerably shorter. So short, in fact, that the only one within a convenient travelling distance is the clinic my Wife and I went to a few months ago. And Sue was as much use as chocolate teapot. But one of Her colleagues’ biogs actually uses the phrase sex positive, so maybe she would be worth talking to. After all it’s me that thinks sex has been part of the problem.

Other than that, from reading variously on sex therapy, one thing that seems apparent, is that my situation is a little unusual. What I’m looking to gain from sex therapy right now isn’t exactly normal. There are three areas which seem to be focussed on:

  1. Sexual dysfunction. My sexual function is in pretty good shape.
  2. Sexual problems within a relationship. Yes, we’ve most certainly got those, but historic evidence suggests I’m on my own with this.
  3. Sex addiction. I’ve read the WHO definition, and tried a Sex Addiction Diagnostic Tool: the evidence suggests I’m at most borderline.

So the normal issues are not what I’m looking to deal with.
What I am (potentially) looking for is a way to be OK with the situation and to find a way to be comfortable living with imposed celibacy.

Now I’m not suggesting that sex is the only problem. It might have been a long standing issue for me, but I have absolutely no doubt that my Wife views it as just a symptom.
Chickens and eggs.
There are other things going on that She respectively either won’t acknowledge, or simply cannot see. And before you tell me to hold up a mirror, Objective Reader, I rest assured I am not oblivious to the logic that suggests She may not be the only one in that boat, albeit at the other end of the boat and looking at the leak in a very different way, and wondering how long before we drown in this creek.

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