Thanks … but no thanks.

We resolved to try make-up sex a few years ago. It didn’t work. I think we fucked once and then retreated to opposite sides of the bed for weeks or months. I suspect that neither of Us is good enough at letting go of an argument and the hurt that goes with it, and there will always be some remaining bitterness that will stand in the way of remedial coitus.

However, what does nudge Us slightly together is a common adversary, and one in particular has proved consistent.
Maybe adversary is the wrong word.

An elderly relative is staying with Us over Xmas. On Xmas Eve there was a logistic crisis – one not unrelated to their mental health – and one that needed someone to gently take control of the situation. I got it sorted, but it took a significant amount of emotional energy. I proposed a course of action, but felt it worth running the idea past my Wife – just for another perspective. She agreed. The problem was solved, at least as best it could be for the time being.

Anyway …

Me: Thank you for your support.
Her: I didn’t really do anything.
Me: Well thank you anyway.
Maybe it was the Xmas spirit. Maybe it was the spirits I had imbibed. But we hugged.
It was the first physical contact in months.

An hour or so later, we all headed to our respective beds. As last year, with elderly relatives as guests, I am sleeping on the sofa.

Her: You don’t have to sleep on the sofa. We manage to sleep in the same bed when we’re away.
Me: We’re not dealing with this right now.
Her: Ok. If your sure.

I was.
I am.
Maybe that sounds churlish.
Maybe it is.
But I will not be moving back into Her bed unless She has spoken to a counsellor.
If I move back into Her bed, all the stress of that place, especially the stress of sex, will come back. And until She has acknowledged and made positive steps to deal with Her issues, especially Her sexual hang-ups, Her bed is somewhere I will not willingly sleep.
As for dealing with that right now? It’s Xmas, and there are disparate generations that will absorb most of my emotional energy over the next few days. The invitation into my Wife’s bed really is profound, not least because it came from Her (loosely) unprompted, but if She really wants to have that conversation, She will need to initiate it at a better time.

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