Oh well

We sit down as a family to redesign the garden. [Ed: Probably the most middle class, middle aged thing you will read this decade!] Each time I make a suggestion it feels like it is being over-ruled, especially by my Wife. I give up and whatever else anyone else wants, especially my Wife, that’s what is agreed.

I go to sort lunch. The same (leftover turkey) choice for everyone, except my Wife. (A mild PITA, but neither surprising nor problematic.)
Me: Are you ok for me to sort yours?
Her: Yes. If you’re happy to.
The whole family stays in the living room playing card games.
I start to cook. I’m ok with that.
Everything is on track. And with barely a word, She walks into the kitchen and takes over Her lunch. No discussion. Just presumption … and control.
Fuck it. That’s just being a control freak. (Her own description of Herself.) And it’s rude. And inconsiderate. And ungrateful.
I withdraw from all conversation.

And then, over lunch …
Well … I won’t go into That. But we’ll come back to That later.

Later, as I prepared supper …
Me: I’d appreciate it if you’d deal with things like That a whole lot better.
I have the moral high ground, unequivocally, in every way. (And for the record, That was not about me, but rather how She behaved towards someone else. And although the transgression is mild, it is inexcusable.) She knows it. And there is no argument.
She apologises. But She seems to think that’s the only reason I’m pissed off at Her.
It’s not.
I say there’s no point in me elaborating, and it’s probably down to my perspective.
She pushes the point, and in a conciliatory tone asks for my perspective.

I explain my perspective on how She took over Her lunch. She has an excuse.
I explain how I felt all my ideas about the garden were rejected. And before I can finish She is aggressively butting in with rebuttals.
I stop Her and explain how She wanted me to explain why I was pissed off. How I had explicitly not wanted to elaborate because it was likely down to my perspective, but that She had pushed me for my perspective. And how, before She had heard my side, She was arguing and sniping back at me. Without hearing the explanation She had asked for.
And She backed down.
And apologised.

As I finished getting supper, She sat quietly, and tapped away at Her smartphone. It was impossible not to hope that, on being forced to look at Her own behaviour patters, some of Her own issues, the light had finally dawned and She was searching out Her own therapist.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this: