(Sex) positive action

Searching for the right counsellor is a thankless task. There’s no shortage of people who claim to be able to sort out every manner of problem, and no shortage of online profiles to read where you just have to swipe left.

But it’s a task I’ve made a point of embracing over the last few days.
And it has felt a surprisingly positive step. Perhaps most because it was something my Wife and I agreed on, but more significantly because there was no friction over Me taking the lead on finding a counsellor.

Loosely speaking, my Wife’s criteria hinged on someone who could provide an intense few days of counselling.
My (unspoken) criteria was equally where do they stand on sex?

Don’t get me wrong, Despairing Reader, that sounds a lot more sex-obsessed than it actually is. I don’t for a moment think that all Our problems are underpinned by sex (that is symptomatic), nor that fixing Our (a)sexual relationship will save Us, but when most counsellors seem to say the same banal things in their biogs, profile after profile after profile, it’s hard to rank one over another. I was looking for someone that would add a little extra value. Sex is a major issue that We have utterly failed to address, and is widely regarded as both important and health indicator for a relationship. I figure any decent counsellor will deal with respect and communication and empathy and tolerance and trust and all the rest, whereas a really useful one will look at sex and intimacy as well.

And attitude towards sex is something that significantly divides counsellors: some emphasise dealing with porn addiction and compulsive masturbation whilst others suggest sex toys and sensory deprivation can help improve intimacy.
Sex negative vs sex positive.
So unsurprisingly my web searching saw me drawn towards sex-affirmative language.

The few I practitioners that ticked the right boxes were far from local. And their respective philosophies were certainly disparate. Thankfully my Wife and I seemed to concur that reigniting connections by holding hands and staring into each other’s eyes was probably a little too tree-huggy for us, as was focusing on spirituality and chakras.

But after 3 days of research I gave My short list to my Wife, She assessed the options, We had a brief conversation, and She seemed happy to go with my choice.

Really!
With minimal legwork Herself.
A conspicuous shift in the control dynamic.

My preferred intensive program was with (lets call her) Dr Ruth and could easily have been rejected, being the one of the longest, most expensive and furthest from home. But when I had spoken to her by phone, her demeanour sat well with me and my Wife seemed to accept my judgement. [Ed: The fact that AM found a web article where she expounded on enhancing relationships through kinky fuckery is certainly not lost us, though curiously it may not have come up in conversation with AM’s Wife.]

All promising so far.

Considering the almost infinite flexibility of my diary and the stretched seams of my Wife’s, I suggested She do the booking a) to ensure I was not barking up the wrong tree for Us and b) as it would be simpler to sort dates.

So watch this space …


Footnote.
By coincidence, I also sacked my own counsellor this week, as there is territory on which we well never agree.
It had felt good talking to her. It feels better walking away. But it feels best that my Wife and I are both (hopefully) going to be forced to deal with our relationship by an objective, forthright, sex-positive counsellor.

One Response to “(Sex) positive action”

  1. corsetandstockings Says:

    Here’s hoping… 🤞

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