Dr Ruth asks …

In just a few weeks time, my Wife and I will be sitting down for several days with Dr Ruth. [Ed. She’s not the real Dr Ruth*, but she seems to have a similar air about her. Or maybe that’s just AM’s hope.] There was a bit of to-ing and fro-ing as dates were sorted out, but it’s in the diary now and the deposit is paid.

We even have a few days booked in a luxury hotel. Albeit with a double room booked.
Other than self catering holiday accommodation, I can only think of four occasions since We got married that We’ve stayed in a hotel: two of those were in decidedly budget hotels, and I think the only occasion my Wife and I have stayed in a hotel on Our own since We were married was at a friends wedding. [Ed: Is it ironic that 6yrs later, that friend is going through a painful and messy divorce, and We are desperately trying to avoid one?]

This is not a cheap endeavour either – by my reckoning it will cost us something in the region of £3k to £4k – but as I commented to my Wife when it was first mooted, it’s considerably cheaper than a divorce.

We had a whole raft of paperwork sent to us, including the ubiquitous pre-consultation questionnaire.
My Wife seemed to rattle though Her’s overnight. It took me 3 days.
Aside from the obvious questions about personal details, health, family history, self appraisal, etc, a few others stood out to me:

What do you think is wrong within your relationship?
Communication, trust, respect, control, inequality, resentment, blame, emotional intimacy, sex.
How long have these issues existed?
Some have always existed. They’ve become real problems in the last few years, increasingly so over the last 1-2 years.
What contraception do you use? (Conspicuously there was no question of how often We have sex.)
We don’t have sex.
Is there any physical abuse within the relationship?
Is there any psychological abuse within the relationship?
I’m neither qualified nor have the objectivity to offer an opinion on that.
What do you want to get from counselling?
I hope We can save Our marriage and family and have some sort of future together. I’d like Us to rediscover whatever might still be good in our relationship and what We used to enjoy about each other’s differences. We need to improve Our self awareness and responses to negative behaviour patterns. And it’s probably no longer realistic, but I’d like to think We could have at least some sort of sex life.

I’ll be interested to see what Dr Ruth’s reactions to my answers are, and would be fascinated to know how they compare with my Wife’s answers.

* I only scanned through a few of the real Dr Ruth’s recent Tweets, but it seems auspicious that the day I stumble upon her Twitter feed, she has tweeted …

Today is the 176th day of the year. I'm not saying that you should have had sex 176 times but if you're still at zero in 2019 maybe you ought to be trying harder.

Perhaps inevitably, she offers no advice on not having had sex for the previous 300 days as well.

2 Responses to “Dr Ruth asks …”

  1. Oh, good luck on your journey. I will be interested to read whatever you decide you are comfortable sharing.

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