Lost for words

Help me out, Dear Reader.
With over 800 posts published, I’m used to finding the right words, or at least words that roughly convey the thoughts trying to escape from my head.
But I’m stuck.
I can’t think of the right words.
So maybe you can?

I’m obsessing about Our impending days with Dr Ruth.
That’s not particularly surprising.

For years (most of the years between first getting laid and long after my Wife and I met) if I had nothing else particularly to think about, my mind would fill will thoughts of one of two things. One of those was Sex, not least first thing in the morning and last thing at night, when I would have a wank almost without fail.

For the last few years (since the cracks in Our marriage really started to show, and very much so since I moved out of Her bedroom) if I’ve had nothing else particularly to think about, my mind would fill will thoughts of one of two things. Sex or Our failing relationship. I would wake up thinking about about sex, have a wank, and then sink into thoughts of our failing relationship. I would go to bed thinking about Our failing relationship and how symptomatic the lack of sex was. That largely stopped me from wanking when I go to bed – it’s just too depressing.

For the last few weeks, since We have been signed up with Dr Ruth, just about all I can think about is that. There are some thoughts of sex, though precious little wanking, and as often as not, I find myself just trying to deconstruct Our problems and answer the questions I expect Dr Ruth to ask us. And this is where I need your help, Dear Reader.

At some point, I fully expect Dr Ruth will ask about Our sex life. Her initial questionnaire has already touched on that …
Q: What contraception do you use?
A: We don’t have sex.
I suspect that whatever my Wife’s answer was, it was a little less blunt.
So there is one thing to be discussed. And the obvious follow up questions include …
Q1: How long is it since you had sex?
Q2: Why did you stop having sex?
Q3: What was sex like when you did have it?
… and I’m particularly struggling to answer that last question succinctly.

If you’ve read many of those 800+ posts, as I know some of you have, Dearest Reader, you will know that sex with my Wife has rarely been easy. And when it has been good, it’s been surprising.
You’ll know that I gave up trying to initiate sex in the earliest years of our relationship, because my advances were rejected more often that not. (And I should add, they were not, at least to my mind, excessively frequent.) I knew that our libidos were disparate, and I was grateful for whatever sex We had. Conversely, there have been only a handful of occasions when I have said No to my Wife’s advances, and only a couple of occasions when She pressed the point until I unwillingly acquiesced*.
You’ll know that when We have had sex, usually it was with my Wife on top and occasionally, when She had cum first or become disinterested, She would suggest missionary, but with the exception of when She was pregnant and variation was necessary, I can only recall two other occasions when any other position was attempted, and both of those were apparently discounted with only a few thrusts.
You’ll know that when my Wife has cum before me, She would dutifully suck me off (usually without my bidding) but that when I have attempted, or even suggested I go down on Her, that has not been permitted. Indeed, when I have explicitly asked Her to sit on my face, or expressed a desire to taste Her pussy, there has been no response whatsoever.
It has only been on rare cases that my fingers have been entertained in Her cunt, and with only a few exceptions, that has only been if I have cum first.
You have probably lost count of the occasions (I certainly have) when what mos of us would consider vanilla foreplay has been curtailed abruptly when I have apparently done the wrong thing. Too hard. Too soft. Not there. Don’t do that. And the word I have come to associate most with sex is No!
You’ll know that when I bought my Wife The Infamous Red Lingerie, initially it was met with conspicuous approval. but that just a couple of years later, a similar gift was rejected because She felt objectified by lingerie and it was indicative of the sexualisation of women.
I could go on, Dear Reader, but you’re no stranger to my frustration. So …

Assuming Dr Ruth will ask, What was sex like when you did have it? how do I sum that all up in just a couple of words?

*Yes, Dear Reader, there are ways to describe such situations, and some of them involve legal definitions. But lets not go there. Seriously, don’t go there! If you do, any comments will be deleted without response.

11 Responses to “Lost for words”

  1. Be Honest!! Don’t be mean, but Be Honest. And listen. She will have her own version of what did or didn’t happen, and there’s a Great Chance, that it won’t match with yours. When my husband and I were in crisis, it wasn’t until the moment I saw his face actually realizing what I was saying and how I felt, that I was able to let down my guard and we began healing. It won’t be easy for you, but keep in mind it isn’t for her too. Ultimately, Be Honest Or it’s just wasting your time.
    (Keeping my fingers crossed for you🤞🏼)

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