Who would?

Optimism.
Pessimism.
Optimism.
Pendulum.
Optimism.
Pessimism.
One minute I can see a positive future where a) everything that is OK or even good right now is still OK or even good and b) with a little adjustment, a reasonable amount of the shit is either not there or just less shit.
The next minute the future is everything but rosy. If Dr Ruth doesn’t succeed in setting Us on a good path, My path is properly shit.

Obviously I’m not the only person ever to walk that path, but the prospect is more than a little daunting. And maybe it is not even as dark as it may seem from here and now. But …

Aside from all the shit that has to be faced the far side of a divorce, I find myself contemplating my options for dating. Considering I’d almost certainly end up living hundreds of miles from where I am now, a social life would need building from scratch. So dating apps would be the obvious short term fix for finding some intimate female company. (And I don’t just mean physically intimate – emotional intimacy would also be an important requirement.) I set up a profile on OKC as an viability study a couple of years back (now deleted), and I wrote a profile that attracted some positive attention. I suspect I could even have gone on a few dates, had I not glossed over some of the finer details.

Yet as the pendulum of pessimism swings, with the prospect of post-divorce reality, I find myself wondering who the fuck would date me?

I’ve had enough lovely comments from Lovely Readers to suggest I’m not entirely without my merits, not least in terms of sexual disposition and aesthetics, Hell, even in the last few days, I have had an message from a Wonderful Reader saying You’re a most intriguing and sexy thing, [Ed: We hope they don’t mind AM quoting, and apologise unreservedly if they do.] so there’s reason to believe that, post divorce, I might even have a chance at some fucking good fucking sex for a change. Except, such compliments come from people who only know me a) sexually and b) virtually. Only a couple of members of my blog’s audience have actually met me, and that’s not a reliable sample size for anything that might be judged as indicative of one’s appeal.

Now I’m well aware that an online dating profile, such as on OKC, is even more of a sales pitch than a first date, but if I were to write a truly honest profile …

My Self Summary

Middle aged, unemployed, and living with my mum.
Recently divorced, with no immediate prospects, but I’m good with a Hoover and hoping to find a minimum wage job soon.
No social life, because I couldn’t afford to live near my friends after the divorce.
Probably the horniest person my age you’ve ever met, and pretty damned kinky with it, but I haven’t got laid in over 2yrs so I’m desperate for a shag. I haven’t got a big cock, but you know what they say – a small dick is a grateful dick.
So if you’re well educated, well paid, well stacked, and well up for fucking on a first date, I’m your man!

Media
I prefer Marvel to DC and LOVE porn … of course.

Hobbies
I take naked pictures of myself and post them on the internet. But it’s not as weird as it sounds, because lots of women who are into S&M do it on the same website too.

Pets
Snakes, rats and spiders.

Straight, man, single, 5’10”, slightly overweight

White, only speaks English, Attended University

Doesn’t smoke, drinks too much, has kid(s) and doesn’t want more

Looking for women within a bus ride, aged 25-55 for any kind of dating as long as it includes sex

OK, I’ll acknowledge this paints a slightly bleaker picture than is a) strictly necessary and b) not entirely accurate (I’m more of a cat person, not a big fan of spiders) but, come a divorce, it would be pretty close to the truth in most respects.
So be honest, Dear Reader, assuming you knew nothing about me other than an honest dating profile, you wouldn’t date me, would you?

6 Responses to “Who would?”

  1. Speaking as a neutral observer, I suspect that if you channeled the wit shown here into seducing the right / available woman, you would do just fine.
    🤞hope the therapy works though and you don’t have to!

    • Without wanting to brag, having unexpectedly and occasionally unintentionally (though never ungratefully) found my way into others’ panties in years gone by, I’d like to think your faith in my ability to seduce might not be entirely misplaced. But I’m genuinely less confident of my ability to get a fist date based on an online dating platform.
      Hopefully though, yeah, it won’t come to that. Hopefully. Hopefully?

  2. Well, hey, I’m not someone who has a problem with someone who has to move back home for a spell, like snakes, and I also prefer Marvel to DC, so were it not for the spider thing (though I’m not sure whether that was for real or not) I’d give it a shot 👍

    But I do take your point; if I hadn’t encountered you in blog-land, maybe I’d feel differently? I’ve never Internet dated, myself.

    I hope that ‘Dr Ruth’ helps though, and, either way maybe the future will be better than you anticipate 🌻

    • Who was it once said You can’t get to first base if you don’t get a first date (unless you want to go to jail)?
      I’ve not tried internet dating properly either (and if Dr Ruth is as good as her website claims, I hope i never do) and I guess there’s always KinkD or KNKI, but I’d rather lead with something less SEX! than I’m a pervert when it comes to dating. Call me old fashioned.
      Here’s to a future.
      (I’m not that big on spiders.)

    • Totally see your point, yes. Maybe not the way to open. Good luck 🍀 💖

  3. […] you all so so much and so many of you are in my thoughts (Eye, Molly, Rebel, AM, and LSB […]

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this: