Going backwards

It was an innocent enough request on Her part. Obviously She felt justified in making it.
To me it seemed irrational. I complied, though it irritated me to do so.
Nothing more was said, but it sat in the back of my mind.

Was this going to be The New Us?

We had supper as a family.
It was all sociable.
And when the plates were cleared an my Wife and I were left alone in the kitchen, I asked for a Dr Ruth moment.
We sat.
And I asked why She had made what I felt was an unjustified request.

Now you might think, Dear Reader, that this was all just the same old shit We’ve been through for years, that nothing had changed, and the last few days with Dr Ruth had all been for naught. But you’d be wrong. Because this was all civil and no hackles were raised. We were behaving like adults and resistance and hostility had been replaced with listening and an attempt to understand.

What followed was 2hrs of face to face conversation, punctuated with Imago.
Two things in particular came up:

  1. That I now felt obliged to assert, and I don’t like it. I do things for other people – that’s what I have long done, and I like that. Indeed, my Wife has commented in the past that the first thing that attracted Her to me was that I got on and did what was needed without being asked and without asking for reward or praise. To now be obliged to say what I want – to think of putting myself first – is alien and uncomfortable.
  2. My Wife has been trying to please me for years, but what She now realised was that She had been trying in entirely the wrong way, not knowing or even asking what it was I needed.

It was a good conversation. We were better for it.

And at the end, when it really was over due that We went to our respective beds, there were three small things that I wanted to say:

  1. Whilst at Dr Ruth’s, I had been sufficiently tense that two of my fingers had gone numb. (It’s down to neck muscles putting pressure on the ulnar nerve. I’ve had it before in the other hand – it’s fine – it passes.) Now I asked if She would give me a neck massage (or at least tomorrow – it was very late for a school night.) It was the first time I have been prepared to let Her near me for a very long time. She was happy to do that.
  2. It is years since my wedding ring has been on my finger. Probably nearly a decade. For that time is has resided on a chord around my neck. The ring has always been totemic for me – it was supposed to be something that would remind me to make an effort, even when the going got tough, but in a sense it has become more like a fetid albatross hung around my neck. Of late, the chord has become difficult to untie, so I asked my Wife to try to do it, so I could put my wedding ring back on. Which She did.
  3. And I told Her how, on driving home the previous day, I had felt horny. Still not so I wanted to have sex with Her – I wasn’t ready for that yet, but that it was an old kind of horny, a good horny, a horny I have missed, the sort of horny that could be enjoyed rather than an irritating itch that needed scratching. And She was glad.

And then, before We went to our beds, We hugged for the first time in … I have no idea how long.

20 Responses to “Going backwards”

  1. Beautiful! πŸ’•

  2. I hope beyond hope that you continue to stay strong and stand up for yourself. That within that you feel more confident every time you do and that your wife appreciates your growth. Applying principles to our relationships that seem so basic aren’t always easy or popular but I do believe necessary for our own happiness. People treat you how you let them, hold her accountable and let her do the same with you. Continued love and hugs…. ❀️

    • Thank you.
      My paradox is that I am a giver, and to make demands messes with my head.

    • Oh I’m with you AM. As a submissive woman I understand this all to well. If I have to stand up for myself in any way, it makes me feel disconnected from the person that I am, the person people must see me as that I would even have to. How can they not just be respectful and treat me right so that I don’t have to ask for it or unfortunately even demand it…. ? And a whole host of other feelings arise…. πŸ˜” ultimately though we either accept less than we deserve or we hold others accountable. If we are worth it to them, they make the adjustments and if we are not, they do not deserve us.

    • It’s not a sub thing for me – I’m happy to play at sub or Dom if it’s just a game – but yeah, I struggle with people who lack empathy.

    • I didn’t mean to apply you were a sub, more so it’s one of the things I find painful to confront because of me being submissive. I know plenty of people that can let that type of behavior roll of their backs and not be hurt by it. I’m unfortunately not one of them…

    • Ah I see. Yes, cunts, the lot of them, because they make it shit for the rest of us.

    • Imply…. πŸ™„ and in return we probably make it shit for them. Who knows.

    • Well we’d better stop then.

  3. It all sounds like positive movements in the right direction. I hope that you continue to talk, listen, understand and grow together instead of apart. I also hope that you and she are able to properly communicate your needs. MrH always reminds me he’s a mind reader…

  4. Terrific πŸ’–

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