No one said it would be easy

One post-Dr-Ruth conversation that was positive. The next two, far from it. We have a long way to go.

Trust
Accept
Assert

It turns out none of these are easy.

I’m going to find it difficult to assert. Standing up and saying what you want is all too often predicated on there being something you don’t want. And how do I do that without being relentlessly negative, or at least coming over as being relentlessly negative. I don’t like to complain. My Wife has accused me of being negative.
It’s not an easy circle to square.

It’s difficult to remember to give my Wife the benefit of the doubt. I don’t believe there is malicious intent in (for want of a better description) Her behaviour, but after so long getting  bitter about how She has acted towards me, it’s difficult to break the cycle of habitual perception.

And it turns out We are both struggling to trust that the Other will listen to Our point of view.

With hindsight, when We were with Dr Ruth, my Wife said She finds it difficult to deal with Me when I’m down, not knowing whether it is Her fault, or what She can do about it. I would do well to reflect on that.

And I could be making excuses for myself, but for various reasons, I have had precious little sleep in the last week. It’s easy to see that as contributing to my poor handling of post-Dr-Ruth conversation.

4 Responses to “No one said it would be easy”

  1. Just this past week I finished reading a book, “Braving the Wilderness” by Brené Brown. Wow! I’m still processing what I learned in it. It’s life changing in regards to trust and identifying how we trust others, how we trust ourselves and how we become trustworthy. Boy have I failed on many levels, we all have. I highly recommend the read, as it covers more then just trust. That said, she did a talk where she covers what she calls the anatomy of trust and you can watch it here. I think this is a game changer when it comes to relationships and we communicate with people and within relationships. Hope you’re able to get something out of it.

    https://brenebrown.com/videos/anatomy-trust-video/

  2. I would have described being assertive as stating what you NEED. This doesn’t need to be linke to anything negative that the other might have done, and should (hopefully) make you feel less negative. Because needs are inherent to each of us, where wants can be abused.
    I can want a yacht, but do I need it to live freely as myself? No. However, I need respect, empathy, a listening ear , freedom and support to live to be the best version of myself.
    And if I don’t get that, then… I deserve to assert how important it is to me, how vital even. And if I still don’t get it, then I’m allowed to look for it elsewhere, with someone who can offer it to me.
    XO

    • Needs and Wants are easily and frequently co fused, and too often fail to take consideration of balance.

    • Yes, which is why it is important to listen to your inner self, and not react while you’re hurt. Find a place to think, take a walk (it seems to work for you), and then express your needs. You can express wants too, or would-like-tos, but the needs are a must.
      As for balance… a need is part of who you are. You should never be made to compromise on that. :*

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