A harmless assumption

All men masturbate and most men watch porn.

They were bold assertions, and I’m sure Dr Ruth could quote data to back them up (possibly Kinsey or Janus or NATSAL). And whilst I’m a great believer that broad, loosely statistical statements are pretty meaningless without context, these two are not without benefit to me.

My Wife and I have slept in separate beds for over 21 months.
She knows that I have a significant;y higher sex drive that Her.
She knows I masturbate.
I’m sure She suspects I masturbate regularly. (She’s seen the evidence, and on more than one occasion.)

We’ve never talked about porn.
I’m pretty confident that my Wife is opposed to porn on principal. The principal being the objectification of women.
I’m equally confident She has very little first hand experience of porn.
And I’ll bet my left testicle She’s never come across (and certainly not cum across) the likes of Erika Lust‘s porn made by women for women.

My guess is My Wife neither thinks about me wanking [Ed: A surprisingly long time ago, AM asked his Wife if She enjoyed giving Him hand jobs. That She said no (albeit with a caveat), suggests that the thought of Him jerking off probably wouldn’t do much for Her either.] nor my use of porn. Not having to consider the consequences of sleeping separately for so long is probably easier.
I dare say She presumes I watch porn. [Ed: Why is the word “Watch” all but ubiquitous with porn, when so much of it is stills images?]
And I assume if pressed, She would therefore reluctantly assume I wank over porn.
I’d be surprised if She assumes I frequently wank twice a day, or that, at my horniest [Ed: … like now …] I look at porn almost whenever I boil the kettle [Ed: … and AM drinks a lot of tea!]
I’m quite sure She would rather I didn’t wank as much as I do. And I’m certain She would be less than happy if She knew about my porn habits.
So whilst previous partners and some of your piers, Lascivious Reader, have expressed a degree of arousal resulting from the thought of me tugging on my cock, I doubt Her panties ever moisten at the prospect.

So when Dr Ruth, an informed and impartial sexpert, in whom my Wife seems to have a degree of faith, emphatically stated that all men masturbate and most men watch porn, it kind of have me permission. It would mark Me as normal!

Not that wanking over porn should be an issue. Indeed, I’m pretty sure I read something in which Dr Ruth suggested that use of porn should not be regarded as inherently a problem, as long as it does not interfere with normal sexual relationships. And whilst my use of porn does nothing to quench my lust, it has never taken priority over, nor distorted any (functional) relationship with (previous) partners.
I’d far rather be wanking my Wife’s cunt than wanking over pictures of someone else’s, and given enough of the former, I could happily eschew the other. But in the meantime … hell … pass me my phone and the tissues – the psycho-sexual counsellor said it’s ok!

8 Responses to “A harmless assumption”

  1. Of course it is ok. Sexual release is important for mental health and quality of life. I think it cannalso prevent violence, aggression, anger, resentment, jealousy and frustration. You are probably adding years to your lifespan. The way I see it is your sexuality is your responsibility, and that it is really good to have a healthy sexual relationship with yourself which includes masturbation and other solo kinky stuff. You have your relationship with your wife… and your relationship with yourself. I always see the latter as the foundational relationship, and therefore the most important. Engaging in shame-free and adventurous sexual play with yourself is fucking great! People who repress that side pay the price in misery. The professional validation is also boss though. So keep wanking!!!

  2. It’d be one thing if you were so preoccupied by wanking and your internal sexual fantasies that you were ignoring your wife and her sexual needs, but if she is the one putting the kibosh on your sexual relationship then, good god, you need an outlet! The only area for further inquiry might be exploring the stories we tell ourselves. A friend of mine rationalized his past infidelities saying that his wife was no longer interested in sex with him. What came out was nothing of the sort. They had experienced an overall communication breakdown over the years, couldn’t really talk about anything, let alone about having sex. He told himself it was all about sex and used that as an excuse to outsource his needs. It turned out that she would have wanted to have sex; he had just stopped asking. It was more complicated; there was definitely an issue of mis-matched libidos, but they also had tons of other problems that they weren’t really dealing with, building resentments, creating a barrier to being sexual. Anyway, their marriage ended very badly. So, it’s great that you are working with your wife on the general issues. It will be both of your responsibility to start talking about sex again once you start to trust each other again. But, meanwhile, wank away!

    • I’m under no illusion about a communication breakdown – We’ve spent an exponentially increasing amount of time not talking about anything and, at least for my Wife, I suspect sex is so far down the list it’s off the chart. I have some sympathy with that – I’d love to have sex with my partner, but whatever there is between my Wife and me cannot realistically be regarded as a partnership these days. Whether She would be bothered about sex if everything else She feels is missing was in place is debatable – sex has never been a high priority for Her, though I’m pretty confident that just not being interested in sex is merely the tip of an indeterminately sized (political) iceberg.
      In the meantime, I can see little likelihood of my forearm getting weaker.

  3. I have a very high sex drive, and my husband and i also sleep in separate rooms. We have a good sex life, it’s just not as often as i would like. I often wonder if he looks at the porn i am looking at. I know he looks at porn cause (yes i will check the history and see what he is looking at, as he could do to see mine). Man his porn would put me to sleep from boredom. (Sad but true) Mine might scare the shit out of him….
    He did make me a hill billy sex machine that works great that was 3 years ago, and this year i got a hill billy sybain for my birthday…. the thing is awesome!! then the two to them together oh my god… peace love and happiness….

    • I’m ashamed to say I don’t know what a hill billy sex machine is.
      I’m curious to know what your and your husband’s respective porn looks like, and why it would instil such extreme reactions?

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