Difficult

Anyone who blogs about personal stuff will know that writing about difficult situations can be … well … difficult.
This has been a difficult post to write, to the extent that this is my fourth, fifth, maybe sixth attempt. All previous versions have been trashed.
The last 6 weeks have been difficult.
But to cut a long story short …

Since spending three days with Dr Ruth, there have been Ups and Downs. And Flats.

The Ups came in the first few days. There have been a couple of Ups … well sort of Ups … since, but they’ve only been sort of Ups, because they have been in the midst Downs.

The Downs started only a week or so after seeing Dr Ruth. Arguments. Fights. Sinking back into old habits, behaviour patterns and dynamics. No one said it would be easy, but no one said it would be this hard. But it is. It’s hard work fixing a broken marriage, and We’ve not been particularly good at it. Imago hasn’t particularly helped. On more than one occasion it has just turned into an opportunity to pass as stick backwards and forwards and to take turns beating each other with it.

And in between, there has been the Flats. The levels. The times when we’ve just got on with life andour dysfunctional marriage. Burying our heads in the sand, and failing miserably to deal with the stuff that still needs dealing with.

It’s easy for me to keep throwing (justified) stones at my Wife’s glass house.
And it’s easy for me to loose sight of the crap that I bring to the table.
In the midst of all this, there still seems to be an immense about of blame. Maybe that’s primarily Me blaming Her, of maybe I’m just not in a position to judge.
Frankly, if We’re going to fix Us, we’ve got a very, very long way to go.

And that’s where I need to stop this post.
Before I get sucked into my own echo chamber.
And disappear up my own arse.

Perhaps it is just as well that, despite the conflicts of my Wife’s and Dr Ruth’s congested diaries, they finally managed to schedule an e-remote session for Us some four weeks in the future.

6 Responses to “Difficult”

  1. this is Disturbing

  2. Slightly insensitive comment up there. This is not disturbing. You are trying your best at something that is incredibly arduous, and that is admirable. Many people would have thrown in the towel by now. I probably would have. Ignore insensitive people… who don’t use inital capitalization at the beginning of a sentence. Pfft.

    • LOL We all have our own styles and many get sullied by the internet. 😁
      Many may have had the sense to through I the towel by now whilst others keep banging away at the same cliff face. 🙄

  3. It’s a tough journey. I can’t fully know how difficult things are for you right now, having not been through it myself, but know that I am sending you my best.

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