Never never say never

… and amidst Our failing to be unequivocally better at being a coherent Us, something struck me.

On Our last day with Dr Ruth, we touched on the issue of sex. The thundering mammoth in the room. We barely scratched the surface.
No … it was less even that that. We only really acknowledged that there was a surface to be scratched.

On holiday, after the first couple of days, as we bickered on an almost daily basis, I found myself realising [Ed: Is it a realisation or self destructive pessimism?] that, as things stand, I cannot honestly envisage a future where my Wife and I are consistently on good enough terms that We could ever have a sexual relationship again.

So I have to be realistic about the prospect that, even if We rebuild some sort of functional marriage, We may never have sex again.
And the painful reality I have to consider is that that means I will likely never have sex with someone else ever again.

14 Responses to “Never never say never”

  1. Oh man. Can you live with that prospect? Honestly? Do you deserve a sexless life? I wouldn’t think so. Sorry if I am overstepping…. I fucking feel for you. It just doesn’t sound fair at all.

    • Can I live with it? Absolutely.
      Can I be happy with it? Perhaps, adopting the right mindset, maybe.
      Do I deserve it? A subjective question. One could as easily ask do I deserve the other luxuries of life.
      Is it fair? Fair is about context.
      That may sound evasive, or self dismissive, but most people (especially in The West) can walk many more miles than they think and deserve less than the believe they are entitled to. So it’s a philosophical, crystal-ball question.
      (And no you’re not overstating. Just asking questions and being supportive.)

    • Wow. A very thoughtful and thought

    • Whoops… lol

      I meant to say thoughtful and thought-provoking. You are definitely miles ahead of me in the wisdom department. Good for you. I seriously admire the hell out of you for not giving up and being so honest with yourself. I don’t know if I would be able to stick it out… but then again… what we want and what we do are often very different things. Sometimes….

    • But… it pains me to know that you would withold something obviously very meaningful to you for the sake of saving a relationship in which that very thing is being withheld…. Are you a masochist? Lol Not sure if I am asking that in jest? 🀣 I am sorry for being so blunt…. I stick my foot in my mouth on a regular basis. At this rate, I should have a foot fetish….

    • Oh it pisses me off too. Sometimes it’s easy to be philosophical and objective – sometimes it’s not.

  2. I think I’m going to be well over the line then…. if you do not make each other happy you should separate.

    • I tend to agree. But I also know it’s not easy separating, or taking that decision, as the lesser-earning person in an upper-middle income family. We only see what we can see, either because our friend AM doesn’t want us to see more or because our own stories prevents us from seeing more.
      But I do believe everyone deserves to be happy in life, that’s actually our purpose on this earth. And I certainly wish our friend could find that happiness.

  3. I don’t see happy as a binary state, nor mono-faceted. Just because the Eight of Diamonds is missing from a pack of cards, it doesn’t mean you can’t play Snap or Pelmanism.
    But perhaps it is time for me to put up or shut up..

    • I divorced my first husband. S1 wasn’t even 1. I absolutely understand it isn’t an easy decision but here is what I believe with all my being. Every single person deserves a chance of happiness. If you are not happy together you should look to separate, maybe you and she will find happiness apart… life is far too short to settle for less.
      I do understand your analogy about the missing card, but your deck is missing more than one card my friend. From what you have said you are missing
      Compassion
      Understanding
      Acceptance
      Friendship
      Attraction
      Passion
      Consideration
      And I’m sure there are many more…

  4. That’s a tough decision to come to. It comes down to whether you, yourself, want to maintain the relationship at the expense of your own desires and wellbeing. Ultimately that’s a decision only you can make. I hope that whatever you happens that you can find joy.

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