Don’t be prepared

For the last week, it has been difficult to not think about My upcoming first session with our latest relationship counsellor, Kirsty. Mental preparation for questions that have been asked repeatedly by her predecessors – childhood, family, employment, domestic situation, etc etc etc …

However, based on last week, I’m fully expecting some unprecedented interrogation – previous relationships, sexual history, attitudes towards sex, sex and intimacy in This relationship, etc etc etc … And boy, do I have some thoughts on that!

Not that such contemplation is a positive process. Answering anticipated questions in my head just sees me, yet again, listing grievances and steering the likely narrative in a direction that favours me. Even the first draft of this post started as a list of complaints, disagreements, bitterness and contradictions. A list of some 50 bullet points. Nearly all, at least tangentially, about sex.

Bad habits die harder than old ones, and having been angry about sex, or the lack of it in My marriage* [Ed: … or as AM put it at the initial consultation, having been “robbed” of sex …] it’s all too easy for me to focus on my righteous view of history. I may be the expert on Me, and an expert on Our relationship, but it is Kirsty We are relying upon to be the expert on fixing dysfunctional marriages..

So I’m trying not to prepare. Trying not to rehearse My answers.

* I’m all to aware that “My marriage” might sound possessional, much in the same way that I’m enjoying being out with my Wife apparently did 2 years, 4 months, and 6 days ago, but in this case it is a carefully chosen term. It’s about My experience of Our marriage, and my Wife’s marriage has obviously been quite different.

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