Equally conflicted

In Our last two relationship counselling sessions with Kirsty, We have finally got round to talking about the the big stuff. The things that you don’t talk about in polite conversation: Politics, Sex, Money and Religion – the Four Topics of The Apocalypse. Despite my having had 3 individual sessions with Kirsty just talking about Sex and, to the best of my knowledge, my Wife having one of Her own [Ed: It is difficult to know whether that 3:1 ratio has more to do with AM being proportionately more willing to talk about the sex, or that his Wife just has disproportionately little to discuss.] it is perhaps less surprising than disappointing that more than a month on, there has been no discussion of the topic involving both my Wife and I. But at least We have finally got one of the “horsemen”.

The discussions have be fraught with conflict. Patently there are ill feelings, grudges and blame on both sides. And it’s not difficult to see how these are likely underpinned but power, trust and resentment. But hey … at least We’re actually talking about one of the “horsemen” – the factors that have nurtured resentment and undermined trust.

A word that I keep coming back to is equality. Or rather a lack of.
For me, a successful marriage must be based on equality. Absolute, open, honest, unquestioning equality.
For my Wife, Us having a future seems to be predicated on a lack of anger and blame going forward.
I have no issue with the latter – I can envisage a future in which I am not pissed off with Her. As long as We start from a level playing field.
A problem I foresee, however, is that I’m not convinced that my Wife and I will be able to agree on what actually constitutes equality. What is a level playing field. Who has to let go of what blame. It is complicated at best.

——–

In the meantime, over the last couple of weeks, some of my Dearest Dearest Readers have been profoundly supportive. My email inbox has been graced with aspirations to relieve my aching balls whilst I am unable to wank. audio messages, barely solicited porno selfies, and games like can-you-guess-which-of-these-3-kinky-things-I-haven’t-done-? It has ranged from the platonic to the fuck-me-that’s-horny-!

[Ed: Whilst one of AM’s readers did send him this image in the wake of a discussion about her purchasing a pair of purple latex opera gloves – his favourites – and offering post-divorce sex with her and her bestie while her hubbie watched, we do not currently believe this image to be of her.]

It’s all been deliciously distracting, deeply flattering, and profoundly appreciated.

It has, however left me a little conflicted.
Even if it were not evident to me from past sexual partners, it is plain to see there are women in the world with whom I am infinitely more sexually compatible than my Wife. Suppose We could sort out Politics, Money and Religion … would I truly be satisfied with the best sex I could possibly have with my Wife?
Maybe if, before our next session with Kirsty, We can slay the one “horseman” We have started to acknowledge properly, maybe then We can start to ask that question. Would the best sex I could possibly have with my Wife really be enough?

5 Responses to “Equally conflicted”

  1. That sounds like a VERY important question to answer for yourself. Wishing continued good luck in finding peace in your life, no matter the outcome. xoxo

  2. Mistress T – I melt when I see Her!

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