It’s like I never left

The morning after I wrote last, I sat with my thumb hovering over Dial. The number displayed above it was that of a law firm that specialised in divorce, and the firm most widely recommended on local social media groups.

The enormity of

tapping the phone screen was crushing.

I couldn’t do it.

Three months later, I still haven’t.

We stopped talking to the counsellor, and have only fleetingly talked about the big stuff since. There have been moments when the Divorce grenade has been pulled from the ammo sack, but somehow the pin has always been replaced.

My Wife maintains that we have been getting on better in the intervening weeks. Maybe She’s right, but even if the surface of the water is calmer, the dark depths haven’t really been explored. The causes of friction remain un-addressed.

I wonder whether our differences can be resolved. Could We repair enough that We would want to spend the next 50yrs together? A question so big it is difficult to contemplate an answer, let alone rely upon it.

For the time being, I’m still here. For how long, who knows. However, from time to time i feel a drive to blog again – about my favourite subject – sex – and if I am to do that, I felt it necessary to update you, Dear Reader, on the my domestic situation.

So there you go. Here I am. And I may yet he here for a while.

4 Responses to “It’s like I never left”

  1. Sending love and comfort your way, wherever you are. 💋

  2. I’m so sorry that you’re in this situation. I also realized that my own marriage was probably never going to improve and I also had the recent experience of staring at the phone number of a divorce lawyer and wondering if I could / should make that phone call. Such a weighty, crushing feeling.
    Wishing you clarity and comfort.

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