Archive for the Meet the Masturbator Category

Bored

Posted in Meet the Masturbator with tags , , , on April 11, 2019 by Accidental Masturbator

I’m bored.
Bored bored bored bored bored!

For no exciting reason, I’m away from home for a couple of days at short notice. Other than essential clothes and washbag, I have nothing with me save for my phone.
There’s bugger all to do here.
I’m bored.
Mind numbingly bored.

And as usual, when I’m bored, all I can Continue reading

Epiphany

Posted in Fetishwear, Meet the Masturbator with tags , , , , on October 24, 2018 by Accidental Masturbator

A year or two back, the Danish word hygge, was all over the media and we were all informed we should have more of it in our lives. Whilst as a discrete concept it doesn’t have a synonym in English, it is defined as a quality of cosiness and comfortable conviviality that engenders a feeling of contentment or well-being.

The Welsh word cwtch has a similar depth to it, though it refers more literally to a hug, or a cuddle of a very particular kind. Now before you disappear up your metaphorical pussy, Dear Reader, it’s not a sexual cuddle. It’s something far more primal.

Both hygge and cwtch speak of comfort, safety, belonging, value and an emotional warmth. There is a degree of home to them.

So what the fuck has this all got to do with your humble wanker?

The day after I Continue reading

100 ways

Posted in Meet the Masturbator with tags , on September 21, 2018 by Accidental Masturbator

Not all of this song applies. Not the verses anyway. There are no dark, survived histories, but some of it chimes with me today. Deafeningly so. So … Continue reading

A funny thing happened away from the forum

Posted in Meet the Masturbator with tags , on August 4, 2018 by Accidental Masturbator

Around a month ago, I resolved to take a break from the online world. I logged out of all of my social media accounts (narcissistically informing all my followers/friends/stalkers/trolls about my impending absence) and signing off on blogging (in a similarly narcissistic manner).

A week or two prior to that I’d also stopped wanking.
Ok, I confess, as shocking as that revelation might be to you, Loyal Reader, it’s Continue reading

It’s not my problem

Posted in Meet the Masturbator, Porn with tags , , , , , on July 31, 2018 by Accidental Masturbator

[This post was started around two months ago, prior to my elective absence. The fact that it is being published now, along with its subsequent companion post, does not necessarily mark my return to regular blogging, but rather may provide some background to a subsequent post.]

As I walked into the kitchen, the breakfast radio presenter was discussing how addiction to computer gaming has recently been recognised by the World Health Organisation as a medical condition, thus opening the possibility (in the UK) of gaming addicts benefiting from treatment on the NHS.

I’ve never really had much interest in computer gaming; as I’ve never owned a console, the closest I’ve got to Continue reading

Neither the time nor the place

Posted in Meet the Masturbator with tags , on September 5, 2017 by Accidental Masturbator

It wasn’t my bed.
It wasn’t the time of night to be awake.
It wasn’t an ordinary erection.

It was the sort of boner that Continue reading

Maybe it’s me?

Posted in Fixing a broken marriage, Meet the Masturbator with tags , , on April 21, 2017 by Accidental Masturbator

Maybe it’s me?
Maybe I’m the problem?
Maybe our failure to have a normal sex life is my fault?
Maybe I’m just insatiable?
For about two decades it was a Continue reading

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