Archive for the Parenting Category

Puzzling

Posted in Parenting, Random stuff about sex with tags , , , on May 27, 2020 by Accidental Masturbator

[Ed: Because the last post was pretty full on, here’s something a little lighter …]

Amidst all the lock-down restrictions with which we are all currently faced, many people are finding new, or not so new ways of passing the time.

In many families, I suspect, old board games and dusty puzzles have been impotently presented to pre-teen tech-junkies as an alternative to the interminable sexting and Continue reading

The rise and fall of eyebrows

Posted in Fetishwear, Fixing a broken marriage, Kirsty, Parenting, Porn, Sex therapy, Sexual politics, The Red Torsolette, Underwear with tags , , , , on May 24, 2020 by Accidental Masturbator

This post may signal one of the most important moments in both my marriage and this blog. It is therefore not going to be short, Dear Reader. Indeed, it feels almost like a transcription of an entire 70min counselling session AND a whole load of analysis and back story. As we’re all in lock-down, I’ll assume you have time to read it … but you might want to pour yourself a very large glass of wine first.
Right, here we go …

My latest individual counselling session with Kirsty started with Continue reading

Inappropriate observations

Posted in Fetishwear, Parenting, Sexual politics with tags , , , , , on October 11, 2019 by Accidental Masturbator

Once a week, for around a month, I have spent a morning in a stereotypically mum environment. As the only full time dad, I stick out like a sore thumb [Ed: Though AM’s sore thumb probably doesn’t stick out quite as much as the full-time-dad-chip on his full-time-dad-shoulder.] and I was openly applauded the first time I turned up for putting myself in that situation as a full-time-dad … much as a full time mum would be openly applauded for enrolling on a brick layers course. [Ed: See? Told ya! Fucking big chip on His shoulder.]

As with many similar gatherings, there was no shortage Continue reading

The most depressing conversation I’ve ever heard

Posted in Fixing a broken marriage, Parenting with tags , , , on April 28, 2019 by Accidental Masturbator

For as long as I can remember I have said that parenting sucks, being a dad rocks, and being a father comes with a weight of responsibility I still can’t get my head around.
Today was a dad day.
Or it should have been.
Today should have rocked.

One of my big dad things is Continue reading

Sinful Sunday 396 – Bad dad

Posted in Parenting, Sinful Sunday with tags , , on November 10, 2018 by Accidental Masturbator

As parents we all try to set a good example to our progeny – keep your room tidy, look after your toys, be respectful to others. The lessons we try to teach our kids range from beneficial to imperative, are seemingly endless … and largely unappreciated. Maybe when we’re old and incontinent they’ll make sure our geriatric incarceration is a comfortable one, and they’ll occasionally come and visit us in the home. Or that’s the received wisdom.

Sinful Sunday

In the meantime, Continue reading

DLS 20: Bad dad

Posted in Dirty Little Secrets, Fetishwear, Parenting with tags , on October 23, 2018 by Accidental Masturbator

There are some risks one shouldn’t take.
The sort of risks where one potentially puts others in jeopardy without their consent.
Not least in terms of their future.
So I probably shouldn’t have done it.
It’s not that I was actually putting anyone else directly at risk.
But …

My Wife is away on business again. Unusually for the second time in just a couple of weeks.
The date happens to coincide with Continue reading

Out the mouths of babes

Posted in Parenting with tags , , , on October 16, 2018 by Accidental Masturbator

Music is a big thing for me, and I’m proud to say I have had significant success passing that on to the next generation.
We were listening to Sally MacLennane by The Pogues as we drove home from school, the track’s details displayed on the dashboard screen.

Jnr: I like that.
Me: What’s that?
Jnr: Continue reading

Truth

Posted in Parenting with tags , , on October 4, 2017 by Accidental Masturbator

As I waited for the rest of the family to clear their dinner plates …
Jnr: Truth or dare?
How did Jnr get to an age where this is the game being played during lunch break at school? Jeez! Soon it’ll be time to sit down and talk about the birds and the bees. A time when, as parents we will have to open Pandora’s Box. I wonder who would be a more inappropriate educator: my Wife, cripplingly indifferent about sex, or me, cripplingly obsessed by it?

Jrn: Truth or dare?
The question was repeated.

I felt Continue reading

Nothing to see here

Posted in Fixing a broken marriage, Parenting, Random stuff about sex with tags , , on September 3, 2017 by Accidental Masturbator

You’ve booked a week in a self catering holiday cottage.
On arriving, you take your suitcases to the bedrooms.
One room has a double bed. Ok. That’s for the adults.
The other bedroom has two single beds. Intended for kids, right?
Right.
So explain this …

Her: Have you looked on the bookshelf in the kids’ room?
Me:
No?
Her:
There’s a Continue reading

Collar and cuffs

Posted in Fixing a broken marriage, Parenting, The Red Torsolette, Underwear with tags , , on June 12, 2017 by Accidental Masturbator

We were heading out to a big family get-together; the sort where smart dress was de rigueur. I couldn’t help notice that amongst the clothes She’d laid out on the bed were The Infamous Red Bra and Panties. Conspicuously, although there was also a suspended belt, it wasn’t the one that matched.

As my Wife was getting dressed, and started to put Her blouse on, our youngest walked into the room and offered some advice:

Continue reading

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