Archive for the Poetry Category


Posted in Fixing a broken marriage, Poetry with tags , , on July 11, 2020 by Accidental Masturbator

half empty half warm
cotton wrapped from night till day
the most lonely place

Shakespearean Spear (or Iambic five inches)

Posted in Poetry on October 12, 2015 by Accidental Masturbator

This sad, neglected lump of meat
Who’s head points down toward my feet
Can yet be raised up from its rest
To swell with pride and give its best

A multi purpose instrument
Most often used to Continue reading


Posted in Poetry with tags , , on March 28, 2013 by Accidental Masturbator

I’d like to dedicate this to Dawn, the most prolific poet amongst my Dearest Readers, albeit one who has been conspicuous by her absence recently. .

I want to be soft in your fingers
I want to be limp and quite small
As your hand wraps around
No strength to be found
Unable to give you my all

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Better with my Ex

Posted in Poetry on September 26, 2012 by Accidental Masturbator

Just for the record, this is only semi-auto-bigraphical. There are hints of my own relationship, and sexual history in it, but it does not refer directly to how I feel about my marriage. It’s just a dirty dity and a little bit of fun. It’s not to be taken seriously, and is certainly not as eloquent, heart felt, profound, sensual or well crafted as the work of some of my readers, (I’m thinking of Pivoine68 amongst others) but it takes different strokes to please different cunts, and poetry is poetry, whether it’s haiku, limerick, iambic pentameter or plane verse …

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Evidently Fuckin’ town

Posted in Poetry with tags , , on July 7, 2012 by Accidental Masturbator

If you’ve never heard of John Cooper Clarke, make the effort to acquaint yourself with his work. He is the quintessential punk poet, and one of his most famous poems is Evidently Chicken Town.
Be warned, the language is quite strong, and his accent might be a little hard work for some folk outside the UK, but it’s an awesome poem. Continue reading

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