Archive for the Sex on my own Category

Pendulum progress perception

Posted in Ball stretching, Sex on my own with tags , , , on March 26, 2018 by Accidental Masturbator

Confirmation bias is a well known phenomenon when talking about politics (be that politics with a small p or a large P).
The brain plays similar tricks on us when it comes to healthcare: placebos have a profound, clinically proven effect.
And the same principles apply to self perception: no one asks Does my bum look big in this? if they don’t think it does. Nor do they truly believe it if they are told No!

With this in mind I stood staring at my naked self in the mirror. Are my Continue reading

Cleaning up my cum

Posted in Fixing a broken marriage, Sex on my own with tags , , , , on March 20, 2018 by Accidental Masturbator

Usually it is me that does the bulk of the household chores: shopping, cooking, laundry, ironing, vacuuming, cleaning the bathroom, taking the recycling out … Not that I do so begrudgingly – my Wife spends hours each day commuting, sat in tedious meetings, writing policy, and keeps a roof very comfortably over our heads, so it’s only fair.

And it’s not like She doesn’t pull Her weight around the house. Many weekends She’ll find something I haven’t got to yet, and will do it Herself without comment or complaint. Occasionally I feel guilty that I’ve missed something, though considering all the troubles in Our marriage, it is important to note that that guilt is entirely and genuinely self imposed.

Except there is one chore I am very happy to see Her undertake.

Having slept in the spare room for around 4 months, I have Continue reading

‘Tis an ill wind …

Posted in Sex on my own, Sex toys, Underwear with tags , , , on March 1, 2018 by Accidental Masturbator

Whilst it was not by design, it was inevitable that as soon as I moved into the spare bedroom, nearly 3 months ago, I would make the most of being able to could jerk off as often as I wanted. When I was sleeping in Our celibate bed, if I wanted a wank when I went to bed, I either had to Continue reading

I have to hand it to Her

Posted in Sex on my own, Sex with my wife, Sex with other people with tags on October 23, 2017 by Accidental Masturbator

A couple of weeks ago, my WP Reader has been conspicuously awash with posts about handjobs. It was only when I got to the end of the fourth (with a visceral yearning to get tossed off) that I noticed that handjobs have been Kink Of The Week. I’m not sure I get how jerking your partner off qualifies as a kink – Wikepedia describes kinkiness as …

… any unconventional sexual practices, concepts or fantasies. The term derives from the idea of a “bend” (cf. a “kink”) in one’s sexual behaviour, to contrast such behaviour with “straight” or “vanilla” sexual mores and proclivities.

… whilst to me, masturbating your partner is a perfectly normal, entry level sexual activity. Unless you’re doing it in public, or when restrained, or whilst getting urinated on, or whilst dressed in rubber, it’s not kinky, and even then the kink is the risk of getting caught, or the bondage, or pissing, or rubber, and not the handjob. But one person’s vanilla is the next person’s perversion, so who is to say what’s kinky and what isn’t?

Strangely, although I can

Continue reading

Pointless extravegance

Posted in Sex on my own, Sex toys with tags , , , , on September 22, 2017 by Accidental Masturbator

After I’d ordered an unjustifiable, extravagantly expensive and, lest we forget, unnecessarily transparent pair of pantsuk, I sat down and had some lunch. As my mind wandered down the dark and sticky back alleys of my consciousness, I found myself wondering how much one of my most fantasised about sex toys was retailing for these days.

I Googled it whilst I ate my salad.

Disappointingly, it appeared that the major retailers only had it in black. Much as my taste in latex fetishwear, I’m really not a fan of black for sex toys – there’s something almost sinister about it, something that suggests a power dynamic that doesn’t sit easily with me – sex should be fun, and colourful. More importantly, the fact that no one seemed to have any in any other colours made me think that the toy in question may no longer be in production … which would be disappointing. This seemed even more likely when several online sex shops seemed to be offering them at a reduced price.

Unfortunately, as I’m sure you can imagine, Loyal Reader, it’s unlikely I’ll ever have the pleasure of being on the receiving end of a

Continue reading

Two sides

Posted in Sex on my own with tags , , on June 29, 2017 by Accidental Masturbator

There are two sides to every story. It’s easy to perceive things from your own perspective; harder to understand someone else’s.

eo manusturpo
tu manusturpas
ille manusturpat
nos manusturpamos
vos manusturpates
illi manusturpant

A thought experiment …

There are two sides to every coin. Heads or tails. Your call, Dear Reader. Put yourself in someone else’s shoes. As that coin spins in the air, what Continue reading

A tissue of lies

Posted in Fixing a broken marriage, Sex on my own with tags , , , on February 21, 2017 by Accidental Masturbator

Not surprisingly, after the minimalist start to January, it didn’t take long into Feb for the box of tissues on my bedside table to run dry. The empty box told a barely spoken truth.
Then it seemed the only time I had to myself was in the shower for a couple of weeks, so it wasn’t an issue, and there was always the box my Wife keeps on Her side of the bed on the couple of occasions that I needed to Continue reading

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