Cleaning up my cum

Posted in Fixing a broken marriage, Sex on my own with tags , , , , on March 20, 2018 by Accidental Masturbator

Usually it is me that does the bulk of the household chores: shopping, cooking, laundry, ironing, vacuuming, cleaning the bathroom, taking the recycling out … Not that I do so begrudgingly – my Wife spends hours each day commuting, sat in tedious meetings, writing policy, and keeps a roof very comfortably over our heads, so it’s only fair.

And it’s not like She doesn’t pull Her weight around the house. Many weekends She’ll find something I haven’t got to yet, and will do it Herself without comment or complaint. Occasionally I feel guilty that I’ve missed something, though considering all the troubles in Our marriage, it is important to note that that guilt is entirely and genuinely self imposed.

Except there is one chore I am very happy to see Her undertake.

Having slept in the spare room for around 4 months, I have Continue reading

Pt 3: You’re an arsehole

Posted in Fixing a broken marriage, Sex therapy with tags , , , , on March 19, 2018 by Accidental Masturbator

Her: How are you doing?
Saturday morning. I’d been up licking my wounds in the kitchen for a couple of hours by the time She came down for breakfast.
Me: Probably no better than you. Sorry.
Acknowledgement from Her.
Me: I wish I hadn’t said it. I’m worried about Continue reading

Pt 2: … and then some idiot opened the box

Posted in Fixing a broken marriage with tags , , , on March 18, 2018 by Accidental Masturbator

When Pandora’s box was opened, the world was filled with horrors.
When Schrödinger opened his box, he discovered the cat was …

After I’d lain in bed for an hour, staring at the hotel bedroom ceiling, She woke and went to the bathroom. I took my opportunity to get up and dress without disturbing Her. Our waking paths crossed as She retreated to the bed and I retreated to a corner of the hotel suite where We wouldn’t disturb each other.

Over the next couple of hours I reflected on the previous day.
I sank.

An hour or two passed.
One of the first things She said Continue reading

Sinless Sunday 362

Posted in Not a dick pic, Sinful Sunday with tags , , , on March 18, 2018 by Accidental Masturbator

Sin is such an arbitrary word.
As a concept it is underpinned by religious concepts of good and evil; concepts which in themselves are defined within the context of a belief I for one do not share. So for those of us that don’t, does Sin even exist?

At Sinful Sunday we revel in the Sin of sexual subversion. We enjoy not only the Continue reading

Pt 1: How not to have a dirty weekend

Posted in Fixing a broken marriage with tags , , , , , on March 16, 2018 by Accidental Masturbator

Pop quiz: The kids are away on residential school trips or visiting cousins for a few days. You have annual leave to use up. You really need to re-connect with your partner and you haven’t had sex for 6 months. What do you do, Dear Reader?
Odds are you book a hotel for a dirty weekend. Right?
Well, wrong if you’re us. Honestly it was never going to be a dirty weekend. There was never going to be any sex [Ed: unless you count Continue reading

Or is it?

Posted in Fetishwear, Porn, Sexual politics with tags , , , , , on March 15, 2018 by Accidental Masturbator


In the early hours of this morning, police raided Gruntfuttock Tower, the exclusive, monolithic, London offices, and occasional residence of Sir Wilberforce Gruntfuttock III, renowned golfing mogul, philanthropist, and former lead singer of the 70s prog rock band Witch’s Muff. He was arrested and charged under obscenity laws. Sir Gruntfuttock, also known as
Continue reading

Black and purple

Posted in Random stuff about sex on March 14, 2018 by Accidental Masturbator

Only in my dreams would my Wife and I end up sat at separate tables in a cafe having lunch separately.

And only in my dreams, from behind a broadsheet newspaper, would I notice that

Continue reading

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