Archive for 50 Shades

Nothing to see here

Posted in Fixing a broken marriage, Parentiing and sex, Random stuff about sex with tags , , on September 3, 2017 by Accidental Masturbator

You’ve booked a week in a self catering holiday cottage.
On arriving, you take your suitcases to the bedrooms.
One room has a double bed. Ok. That’s for the adults.
The other bedroom has two single beds. Intended for kids, right?
Right.
So explain this …

Her: Have you looked on the bookshelf in the kids’ room?
Me:
No?
Her:
There’s a Continue reading

Seven Ages Of Sex (Or rather 9)

Posted in Random stuff about sex with tags , , , , , , , , on June 23, 2015 by Accidental Masturbator

When you’re 5yrs old, kissing is normal. Girls kissing boys. Girls kissing girls. Boys kissing boys.  Boys kissing dads. Mums kissing sons. Everyone snuggling up on the sofa together in their PJs means everything is normal. The world is normal.

When you’re 10yrs old, kissing is yeuch!!! Girls don’t want to go near boys coz they smell, and boys are happy to be left alone to smell. Unless they’re chasing girls and trying to make them inhale. As for your parents kissing and cuddling … double yeuch!!!! That’s sooooo gross! Just as well you’re asleep long before your dad has tied your mum to the bed and she’s eagerly whimpers Harder daddy, harder, Baby’s been a baaad girl and he thrusts his swollen willie up her swollen … oh yeah … willies and … well, girls don’t have willies, do they … that’s all just hilarious.

When you’re 15yrs old, girls want to kiss boys, and Continue reading

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