Archive for Control

Blame, blame, and more blame

Posted in Fixing a broken marriage, Kirsty with tags , , , , , , on April 7, 2020 by Accidental Masturbator

When I had a few sessions of counselling on my own almost exactly a year ago, I had said to Sandra, the counsellor, that I wanted to stop caring. She took that negatively, not how I had meant it. Maybe there was an element of fuck you, I don’t care any more in it, but fundamentally, I wanted to be able to let the things that stress me, just wash over me, not get caught in the net of angst. Now, I find myself thinking what, if anything, will enable me to let go of the blame that I pile at my Wife’s feet?

After the previous nights Skype call with Kirsty, Our current counsellor, I had wanted to explore this, and She had a free appointment a couple of days later. I wanted to talk about blame. I wanted to talk about moving past it. I wanted to talk about my need to hear apologies from my Wife without them being suffixed by But. To examine whether, when We fight, my Wife’s complaints that I don’t listen are related. (It’s not intentional on my part, but I am aware that I have a tenancy to get lost in my own thoughts at times like that.)

Kirsty and I didn’t talk so much about Continue reading

Questions

Posted in Fixing a broken marriage with tags , , , , , , on March 28, 2020 by Accidental Masturbator

What do I want?
Is there enough in the relationship to save?
Do I really want to save it?
Have We passed the point of no return?
Do I really want a divorce?
Or does even considering divorce inherently make it more likely?

Analysing these questions in the echo chamber of one’s own frustration is not reliable.
For as long as I can remember I have Continue reading

Steps

Posted in Fixing a broken marriage, Kirsty with tags , , , , , , , on March 27, 2020 by Accidental Masturbator

A week on from my Wife’s individual Skype session with our latest relationship counsellor, Kirsty, We sat down in front of my laptop for our first proper joint Skype. Even as We waited the painfully long time it takes my ageing computer to get its shit together, it was obvious my Wife was itching to take control. She had Kirsty’s Skype contact stored in Her account. She could login. Without being explicit, but consciously sitting so my Wife couldn’t reach for the mouse, I didn’t let this happen. After all, it was My laptop. All I needed was some information and I was perfectly capable of doing what was required.

The call was connected and greetings exchanged.
Considering my Wife’s recent flu symptoms, Our respective health was enquired after.
And how had the last week been between Us? It had been Continue reading

Lost for words

Posted in Dr Ruth, Fixing a broken marriage, Sex on my own, Sex with my wife, Sexual politics, The Red Torsolette with tags , , , , , on July 4, 2019 by Accidental Masturbator

Help me out, Dear Reader.
With over 800 posts published, I’m used to finding the right words, or at least words that roughly convey the thoughts trying to escape from my head.
But I’m stuck.
I can’t think of the right words.
So maybe you can?

I’m obsessing about Continue reading

One step forward, two steps back.

Posted in Fixing a broken marriage, Sex therapy with tags , , , , , , , , on February 23, 2018 by Accidental Masturbator

Relationship Counselling / Sex Therapy : Session #4.
It’s 3 weeks since our last session.
At Session #3, The Big Bad had been mentioned as a subject for future discussion.
Obviously by The Big Bad, I mean SEX.

We didn’t start talking about sex.

How were we doing?
My Wife opined that Continue reading

Here We go again

Posted in Fixing a broken marriage, Sex therapy with tags , , , , , , , , on December 21, 2017 by Accidental Masturbator

Six years. Would you believe it, Dear Reader? Last week represented six years since I started this blog. Having looked back at how it has told the story of much of Our Dysfunction, I’m surprised.
On the one hand, it was when I resolved to try to resucitate our flagging sex life, though I don’t really remember what had led up to that in any detail.
It was also when my Wife willingly accepted The Infamous Red Lingerie for Xmas.
And possibly most significantly, it was only a couple of months before we first visited a marriage counsellor.
I honestly can’t get my head around how these things fitted together in such a short period of time.

And here we are again. At our first session with a counsellor. Albeit one that comes from a sex therapy angle.

Sex is Continue reading

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