Archive for Cum

Sinful Sunday 383 – I should do this more often

Posted in Not a dick pic, Sinful Sunday with tags , , on August 11, 2018 by Accidental Masturbator

Having said I haven’t been wanking much lately, and indeed returning to sex-blogging, I must have started thinking about sex more. because sure enough, the next night, I lay in bed, cock in hand, tugging away for all I was worth.

Still wanting to keep the box of tissues sealed, and feeling particularly sluttish, I resolved to Continue reading

You’re good and you know it

Posted in Random stuff about sex with tags , , , , , on January 22, 2017 by Accidental Masturbator

You’re good at sex, aren’t you, Dear Reader? You have heard, first hand, the phrase  fuck, yeah, fuck, oh god yeah, fuck, yeaaaaah, no, fuck no, no, n-n-n-no, fuck, fuck, no, stop, sto-sto-stop, no don’t stop, don’t you dare fucking stop, fuck, yes, yes, no, yes, yesyesyesyesssssss, nooooo, oooooh eowwwww, urgh! or at least something that aproximates to it. And that phrase has told you you are good at sex.

There’s reasonably good chance that on more than one occasion, as you eased your hand between someone’s thighs, they begged you to Do XXX to me! or something like that. Why would they say that if you weren’t, at the very least, a proficient practicioner of XXX? Yes, you are good at sex.

(Just on the off chance you’ve never hear either of these phrases, you should probably know you’re not necussarily crqp at sex. It could be that your partner is sexually repressed … like my Wife has proved herself to be for most of our marriage … and are just silent whilst you bounce mindlessly up and down on them. Of course, even my Wife has had some orgasms loud and profane enough to drive the woman next door to contemplate buying a Lelo, and has, albeit rarely, begged “Fuck me hard and deep!” … and then attempted to depress the neighbors with Her volume when I did. So maybe you are just bad at sex. Get some practice. Read a book. Hire an escort to teach you. Ask your mum what constitutes a really good fuck. Anything. Just get better. For your own sake.) Anyway, I digress.

So what makes you good at sex?

I read a book recently [by a male author], where a [female] character says “People who like sex are usually pretty good at it” [Ed: Are the respective genders significant? I’m not sure? Possibly.] And I think there is probably some truth in that.

You know where the buttons are, and you know both when and how to press them. You’re able to read the flashing legends above the buttons that indicate when to press them harder or faster. As for twisting knobs, well, you can come up with a smutty euphemism for that, Dear Smut Goblin. 😉

Even when your thighs are as limp as they are soaked with your own orgasmic discharge, and your brain is as flooded with endorphins as your partners crotch is with the aforementioned discharge, even then, Dear Accomplished Fucker, you have the presence of mind not to give any credence to the phrase I’m fine. You know, no matter how benevolent your fuckee, that what I’m fine really means is ok, you’ve got yours, I can tell that because I can feel your discharge is cooling as it trickles down my arse crack, and that really is absolutely FINE, but I should’t need to prompt you to get your head down there to lick me clean and get YOUR face covered in MY orgasmic discharge. [Ed: We’ve all been there. On both sides of the fence!] You know that when your partner utters those 2 self destructive words, that you need to do a little extra work. And because you understand that, 5 or 10 minutes later you’re wiping your partners orgasmic discharge from your grinning face.

There will be times when you’re tired, and just need to get some rest. But you’re good, so when you feel you partners fingers worming their unwelcome way into your underwear, you know to put out, even if you’re not in the mood. For the sake of your partner, fake it, be enthusiastic, sacrifice. When you’re knelt between your partners thighs, your mouth filled with their bits, your jaw aching and your tongue screaming with cramp, you know to look up into their eyes and smile like you mean it.

You get off on them getting off. Your mouth may be stuffed so full with their genitals you wonder whether a health-and-safety assessment form could be justified by the choking hazard, or you know the impending trip to hospital with a badly sprained wrist will inevitably involve a wry look from the nurse because she can smell the sex on you. But the pleasure you had as your partners orgasmic profanities tore you ear drums apart was unquestionably greater than theirs, and well worth the fact that you’ll only know this now if they write it down for you.

Maybe you don’t particularly like getting fucked up the arse. Maybe you are one of those poor soles for whom buggery is genuinely uncomfortable. But you’ll happily bury your face in the pillow and squeal like a delighted pig because you know your partner is in their element. 

Or maybe it’s just the little things that say you’re good. The way they snuggle into your neck as your minds and sweat simultaneously chill. Or the way they rest a hand on your arse for no good reason when your prudish sister-in-law might just catch a glimpse. Or how you never need to restock the bedside drawer with condoms, because they take care of that. All these things tell you that they want to fuck you. For you to fuck them. And for them to want that, there is one inalienable truth – you are good at sex. 

Happy endings or happy beginnings?

Posted in Fixing a broken marriage, Sex with my wife with tags , , , , , , , on January 6, 2017 by Accidental Masturbator

By the end of that day I was knackered. It had been a busy, and uncommonly good familial day. The down side was I was falling asleep in front of the TV at 9:30pm. She was not, so I headed for bed and sacked the idea of getting laid.

But come the morning all was resolved. The sex itself was pretty formulaic, with a couple of exceptions.

As She initially toyed with dick, in a fit of bravery I got up onto my knees, straddled Her chest, and presented Her with it to suck. With out a word She Continue reading

Would you like cream with that?

Posted in Random stuff about sex with tags , , on October 17, 2014 by Accidental Masturbator

Knowing what a connoisseur you are of fine coffee, Dear Reader, when I saw this Continue reading

Twice-a-day-for-a-week challenge: Day 3

Posted in Sex on my own, Sex toys with tags , , , , , , , on July 3, 2013 by Accidental Masturbator

Again, last night, I was feeling a little lack lustre. Having filled my Fleshlight with cum twice in less than 8 hours, I really shouldn’t be surprised how productive a day I had – I’ve long felt that shooting my load helps clear my mind for work.  I’d been busy, so by the time I was even remotely considering bed, I didn’t really have the will to wank. But then, Continue reading

Women I’ve slept with, Part 5 : Long term comfort

Posted in Sex with other people with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 21, 2012 by Accidental Masturbator

The odd little university club that was responsible for Marilyn and my respective paths crossing can also take credit for Alice and I ending up in bed together. Not only that, we spent something like 5 or 6 years together. By this stage I knew what I was doing when it came to sex (as much as most of us do in our early 20s) and although I wouldn’t describe it as the best sex I’ve ever had, it was certainly the easiest. We weren’t at it like rabbits, but we fucked regularly, and it was good sex. Perhaps this was because it was a long term relationship. Perhaps because we had both had enough partners to figure out how not to make the worst mistakes. Or perhaps because we actually liked fucking each other. I suspect it was a bit of all three.

Continue reading

Falling asleep on the job

Posted in Sex with my wife with tags , , , , , on January 24, 2012 by Accidental Masturbator

The inability to sleep can be a complete bastard, and I’ve been hit by it in a small way for about a month. I just don’t sleep for a full night and wake at least twice, if not more often. If I wake after about 4:30am there’s little chance I’ll get back to sleep. The few good nights sleep I have had recently have been when we’ve fucked, and we both know this. It’s not been discussed as such, but it’s not hard to do the maths. Continue reading

The sweet smell of success

Posted in Sex with my wife with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on January 9, 2012 by Accidental Masturbator

As previously discussed I wasn’t going to blog about sex with my Wife again for a while, but last night a long standing dream just came true for me.

For most couples it’s nothing unusual to masturbate eachother, and on the rare occasions we’ve fucked in the last 3 years, if I’ve not cum (which for reasons of poor motivation has not been uncommon) She has volunteered to tug me off. But She has not, historically, liked being masturbated. Not even during foreplay. Continue reading

%d bloggers like this: