Archive for Divorce

Not the ending I expected

Posted in Fixing a broken marriage with tags , , , , on April 4, 2021 by Accidental Masturbator

It doesn’t really matter where arguments started. It matters where they ended.

In between, there were two or three others, and an increasing agreement that the next step was both inevitable and terminal. It’s not a step that I really want to take, because of the consequences for me. It’s apparently not a step that my Wife wants to have to take, not least because of the consequences it will have for me. For all She might want rid of me, She is not unsympathetic. But increasingly, over the space of a few days, Continue reading

It’s like I never left

Posted in Random stuff about sex with tags , on January 22, 2021 by Accidental Masturbator

The morning after I wrote last, I sat with my thumb hovering over Dial. The number displayed above it was that of a law firm that specialised in divorce, and the firm most widely recommended on local social media groups.

The enormity of

Continue reading

Thanks for all the fish

Posted in Fixing a broken marriage with tags on October 12, 2020 by Accidental Masturbator

It seems perverse, after so long.
So long blogging about a failing marriage.
So long barely blogging at all.
So long not saying let’s get a divorce.

Well, not any more.

It’s done.
I’ve said it.
I’ve said Let’s get a divorce.

That’s not strictly accurate. What I said was probably more like We’re getting a divorce.

Oh why am I telling You, Dear Reader? I’ve told you precious little in the last few months. Prior to that, I’ve only told you my side of the story. It’s none of your concern. It’s arguably not mine to share with you. Especially after so long.

But fuck! Who else am I gonna tell?

It’s been so long.
I tried for so long.
Or maybe not.
Probably I gave up so long ago.

The ripples of the past will be felt so long into the future.

So long, and thanks for all the fish.

Openess

Posted in Fixing a broken marriage, Kirsty with tags , , , , , , , on August 17, 2020 by Accidental Masturbator

The last few weeks have been tough at Chez AM. I’m not going into details, but both my Wife and I seem to have felt increasingly that We’re on the brink of divorce. Even our weekly counselling sessions have been turbulent.

Amidst that, somehow We agreed We would sit down this last weekend and talk. One thing that has become increasingly apparent recently is our ability to have the same conversation and yet walk away from it as if We had had two entirely different conversations. So even that conversation nearly didn’t happen. Nearly.

Kirsty, our counsellor, has recently asked Us to think about what would be Enough to save the marriage. What would We respectively need as a minimum for it to be worth saving?
There was some discussion of Enough, and other things – fractious discussion – and then, at my insistence, We talked a bit about sex.
Yes. Dear Reader, We actually talked about sex.
Again, I’m not going into detail for the most part, but …

Continue reading

Barometric

Posted in Fixing a broken marriage with tags , , on July 18, 2020 by Accidental Masturbator

I stopped wearing my wedding ring years ago. Well, I stopped wearing it on my hand. Instead it has hung on a chord around my neck, like some cadaverous albatross. Maybe that sounds a little morbid, but the chronic dysfunction of our relationship has long led me to feel We have not been married for most of Our marriage.

In the meantime, Continue reading

Cards on the table

Posted in Fixing a broken marriage, Kirsty with tags , , , , , , , , , on May 17, 2020 by Accidental Masturbator

In some respects, I’m ready to pull the pin on the divorce grenade. It’s certainly overdue that I stand by my own red line. We at least talk about sex, or I apply for a divorce.
My Wife can say She wants everything else in place – trust, respect, emotional safety … whatever and however She wants to define a functional relationship, but if She wants to take sex off the table Continue reading

Hey look! There’s a bloody great elephant in the room.

Posted in Fixing a broken marriage, Kirsty, Sex therapy with tags , , , , on May 14, 2020 by Accidental Masturbator

Finally! 18yrs after We first got together, 16yrs after I moved in with my Wife-to-be, 14yrs after We bought a house together, 13yrs after We got married, 8½yrs since I decided to try to reinvigorate our flagging sex life, over 900 blog posts since my Wife happily accepted The Infamous Red Lingerie, 6½yrs since She rejected The Classy Blue Lingerie, getting on for 3 years since We last fucked, 2½yrs after I moved out of Her bedroom, something like 45hrs and 4 different counsellors between us, and finally Continue reading

The good, the bad, and the ugly

Posted in Fixing a broken marriage with tags , , , , , on March 30, 2020 by Accidental Masturbator

After talking to Kirsty, our counsellor, alone, I went for another walk.
The world felt heavy as I left the house. I had questions I need to answer.
By the time I returned a couple of hours later, the world felt Continue reading

Questions

Posted in Fixing a broken marriage with tags , , , , , , on March 28, 2020 by Accidental Masturbator

What do I want?
Is there enough in the relationship to save?
Do I really want to save it?
Have We passed the point of no return?
Do I really want a divorce?
Or does even considering divorce inherently make it more likely?

Analysing these questions in the echo chamber of one’s own frustration is not reliable.
For as long as I can remember I have Continue reading

Credit where credit is due

Posted in Fixing a broken marriage with tags , , , , on April 28, 2019 by Accidental Masturbator

Having got home from the pub, my head was down. Metaphorically and physically.
She asked why.
I briefly articulated my sense of having let my kid down. (I know, Dear Reader, that it’s just a birthday cake, and it tastes fine – it’s trivial. But it’s not.)
She insisted I hadn’t let them down.
I pointed out that, if this was to be the last time I got to do this, it’s a shit way to bow out.
Why would it be the last time?
Had She not noticed the Continue reading

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