Archive for My little wooden chest of naughty secrets

Bacon and pegging

Posted in Ball stretching, Deconstructing me, Fetishwear, Fixing a broken marriage, Male pubic waxing, Sinful Sunday, The Red Torsolette, Underwear with tags , , , , , on May 4, 2019 by Accidental Masturbator

In the 3 days since I had my introductory conversation with a counsellor, Sandra, it has almost constantly been on my mind. In a good way.
Over the last week or so, I’ve also been working Continue reading

Relegation of icons

Posted in Fixing a broken marriage, Random stuff about sex, The Red Torsolette with tags , , , , on September 8, 2018 by Accidental Masturbator

There are points when one senses nails in the lids of coffins.

For far longer than my Wife and I have slept separately, I have, from time to time, tormented myself by looking in Her underwear drawer. For no reason less noble than to fuel my own self destructive optimism, in the hope that maybe today She’s wearing the Infamous Red. That maybe something has changed. That a positive decision has been made.

Today was such a day.
Today was different.
Today was not the same.
Today there was a Continue reading

Time for a clear out

Posted in Fetishwear, Porn, Sex therapy, Sex toys, Underwear with tags on February 20, 2018 by Accidental Masturbator

It’s time for a clear out.

Between the masturbators, anal toys, adult VHS and DVDs, ball stretchers, handcuffs, porn mags, chastity cage, ruberwear, books of vintage porn, pervy ornaments and the now packed-away thong collection … amongst other things … I felt it was time for a clear out.

Partly because Continue reading

Pointless extravegance

Posted in Sex on my own, Sex toys with tags , , , , on September 22, 2017 by Accidental Masturbator

After I’d ordered an unjustifiable, extravagantly expensive and, lest we forget, unnecessarily transparent pair of pantsuk, I sat down and had some lunch. As my mind wandered down the dark and sticky back alleys of my consciousness, I found myself wondering how much one of my most fantasised about sex toys was retailing for these days.

I Googled it whilst I ate my salad.

Disappointingly, it appeared that the major retailers only had it in black. Much as my taste in latex fetishwear, I’m really not a fan of black for sex toys – there’s something almost sinister about it, something that suggests a power dynamic that doesn’t sit easily with me – sex should be fun, and colourful. More importantly, the fact that no one seemed to have any in any other colours made me think that the toy in question may no longer be in production … which would be disappointing. This seemed even more likely when several online sex shops seemed to be offering them at a reduced price.

Unfortunately, as I’m sure you can imagine, Loyal Reader, it’s unlikely I’ll ever have the pleasure of being on the receiving end of a

Continue reading

Shopaholic

Posted in Fetishwear with tags , , , , , , on July 15, 2015 by Accidental Masturbator

Sometimes a mood just takes you. Often with me, that mood is to look at porn and toss myself off. Sometimes it’s a little kinkier. Recently it’s been a little rubbery.

I don’t get to wear rubber very often, which is a pity, as it’s sexy as hell and I love it. (Latex has a distinct aroma which stays with you if you wear it … unless, as I understand it, your fetish gear has been through a process called chlorination, which mine hasn’t.) I certainly don’t wear it often enough to Continue reading

Should I tell?

Posted in Fetishwear, Fixing a broken marriage, Male pubic waxing, Porn, Sex toys, Sex with my wife, Underwear with tags , , on September 4, 2014 by Accidental Masturbator

Me : Should I tell Her?
Dear Reader : Of course you should! By the way, just what are we talking about here?
Me : About my My little wooden chest of naughty secrets and my thong collection.
Dear Reader : Of course you should tell Her, you idiot. These are the things that you enjoy and define you sexually and to deprive yourself of your own pleasure is crazy. She needs to know who you are sexually and you are being disloyal to yourself if you do not. Tell Her. Tell Her! Tell Her!!!
Me : I think we may have had this conversation before.

And you know what, Dear Reader, today, there’s a big part of me

Continue reading

Hot couture

Posted in Fetishwear with tags , , , , on December 11, 2013 by Accidental Masturbator

Most of us know someone who knows far too much about us, and often about whom we know far too much. For me, Dear Reader, that’s obviously you. But there’s also Ginger. Before you ask, as much as I could make very great use of a fuck buddy’s orifices, none of Ginger’s will ever be stuffed full of my cock. (And yes, she apparently does like all of them stuffed full of cock. But now you too know too much about Ginger. Oops!) Anyway …

I was extolling the virtues of rubberwear to Ginger last week when she asked Continue reading

DLS #14 : Top and tail

Posted in Dirty Little Secrets, Fetishwear with tags , , , , , on October 11, 2013 by Accidental Masturbator

My Wife is away on business over night and the significance of this has changed a little in the last week or so. Usually when work has kept Her out of our bed, for me it has been a chance to have more sex than usual … albeit with myself. As we kissed and hugged our goodbyes this morning (in itself a significant change for our habits) She said …
Her: I’ll miss you tonight. I gratuitously fondled Her arse and although She didn’t reciprocate, She didn’t complain either!

I contemplated suggesting phone sex. I still might. Continue reading

DLS #11 : Time to get plugged

Posted in Dirty Little Secrets, Sex toys with tags , , , , , , , on November 22, 2012 by Accidental Masturbator

It’s been a while since I shared a Dirty Little Secret with you, Dear Reader. And it’s been a while since I played with a butt plug. So I thought it was about time I rectified both of these. [Hmmm … thinks to self : Rectified – sounds like Rectum : what an interesting choice of word.] I’m not feeling unusually frisky today, so I don’t know what inspired me to reach for the toy box this morning, and especially not so early in the day. This is turning out tho be afirst for me. Or rather a whole host of first. Continue reading

DLS #10 : Life laundry

Posted in Porn, Random stuff about sex, Sex toys with tags , , , on October 7, 2012 by Accidental Masturbator

There comes a time when you look at all the stuff you have in your house and realise it’s time to do some life laundry. To get rid of the pile of trade magazines you always meant to harvest interesting articles from, the T-shirts that no longer cover your ageing gut, and the old hi-fi that mostly works but has only seen service as door stop for the last 5yrs. It’s time to de-clutter.

I’m currently going through this process and am making a pile for eBay, a pile for the charity shop, and a pile for the recycling centre.

Continue reading

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