Archive for Oral sex

Feeling hard … done by.

Posted in Random stuff about sex with tags , , , on July 19, 2017 by Accidental Masturbator

We’re having some building work done soon and the structural engineers have asked for a couple of test pits to be dug for foundations. (Bear with me, Impatient Perverts, I’ll get to the sex bit in a minute. But you need the back story first!)

Professionally speaking it’s a long time since I was much more than a desk jockey, or something equitable, and it’s some 20yrs since I was regularly required to do manual labour. I’m not in bad shape foe my age, far from it, but I’m not as strong as I look. So after 3hrs of digging …

She walked into the garden with a cup if tea for me just as I was packing away the spade and mattock.
Her: How are you doing?
Me: Feeling tired, sweaty and incredibly manly.
If I’m honest, it was a pre-prepared line and intended to be ambiguously provocative.
She smiled.
Her: What can I say?!
Apparently not much more. But hey …!

As I showered, even without unnecessary washing, my cock rose to at least a 8pm. It seemed my sidekick felt equally manly.
Then downstairs for a cup of tea and …

I don’t usually like bananas. I find them slightly nauseating. But I know they’re good after exercise, and as I’ll be acting as laborer on the building project, I need all the protein I can get in the meantime. Hell! Ive even joined the gym in preparation.

I peeled back the bananas skin. It’s exposed tip stared back at me. It reminded me of the occasions, many years ago, when Geri¬†would tie me to the bed, fuck herself with a vibrator, and them demand I lick and suck her juices off before she’d lick and suck me off. That was so long ago, I genuinely couldn’t remember how much of her plastic phallus she required me to take in my mouth. I’ve never stared down the barrel of my own cock, but despite the significant curve, the banana looked to have something approaching a similar girth to my erection.

I took a swig if tea, dropped my jaw, and wrapped my lips the fruit. Having to take something that thick took a more concerted effort than I remember from the last time I had to felate a dildo. Maybe the banana was thicker?

I moved my head forward as far as felt natural.
I considered the job in … err … hand? … I realised I was nowhere near gagging, so inserted a little more.
I could feel the fruit was getting towards my throat, and wanted to make this a realistic test, not one that tested my ability to deep throat. So I stopped, wrapped my fingers around the shaft where my lips met it, and withdrew it.
A ruler was not to hand, but it looked like a satisfyibg 4″ had been sucked.
I opened my mouth again and reinstated the banana.
Yes, that was comfortable, and although I suspected my jaw would ache fairly quickly if I had to fuck mymouth with it for long, I was not unhappy knowing I could fellate a heathy proportion of the banana.

And then I felt hard done by.

When my Wife has blown me, She only takes my helmet in Her mouth. An inch or so. It wouldn’t surprise me if my mouth is bigger than Hers, but not by a factor of 4!

Maybe, in the subconscious of my dreams, I already knew this.

You know you want to

Posted in Sex on my own, Sexual politics with tags , , , , , on September 21, 2012 by Accidental Masturbator

Straight men fantasise about slipping their tongue into a pussy. Straight women fantasise about sucking on a cock. But how many heterosexuals fantasise about performing oral sex on a member of their own gender? Although I’ve never considered myself gay, I’d be very happy to try giving a blow job. But this desire is not quite as simple as it seems. Continue reading

Women I’ve slept with, Pt 8: The best sex I’ve ever had

Posted in Sex with other people with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 16, 2012 by Accidental Masturbator

I have a theory: the best sex you will ever have is the sex you really shouldn’t have. Illicit afairs inherantly have trust at their core, as at least one party has the opportunity to betray and one to be betrayed. If not both parties. And I think with that trust comes the ability to open ourselves to our desires and it empowers us to scream for more more more!

I am not proud of the fact that I have fucked three women I really shouldn’t have, and I shouldn’t have fucked them as all of us were supposed to be fucking someone else at the time. I had awesome sex with all three of them, and the sex I had with Fiona was without doubt the best I’ve ever had. And almost certainly ever will.

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An unusual day at work

Posted in Random stuff about sex, Sex on my own with tags , , , , , , , , , on April 23, 2012 by Accidental Masturbator

(I’ve recently started subscribing to Erotix‘s blog and am very much enjoying the pictures appearing in my blog feed. The one that caught my eye today was this one, entitled Phone Sex … (I hope it’s ok to repost it, but please visit the blog as there are some wonderful pictures on it.

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