Archive for Sex toys

Inconvenient

Posted in Fixing a broken marriage, Sex on my own, Sex toys with tags , , , on June 27, 2020 by Accidental Masturbator

About 2 weeks ago I had an accident. Please don’t feel sorry for me, Dear Reader, it was my own fault, and despite a trip in an ambulance and subsequent surgery, in the grand scheme of things it was nothing too major, and there should be no long lasting effects. [Ed: Other than a need to be frisked every time AM goes through airport security … not that He’s likely to complain at that!] In the short term, however, I’m half-stoned on pain-killers [Ed: and not the good half], I’ve had my right arm in a sling ever since, and will continue to do so for anywhere between 1 and 5 weeks, which is not without significant inconvenience. Yes, there are ways around these things for the long term incapacitated, but when you entirely loose the use of your dominant arm for even a short time, you start to understand the challenges that presents.

Most immediately, there is Continue reading

Sinful Sunday 410 – Reductio ad absurdum

Posted in Sinful Sunday with tags , , , on February 16, 2019 by Accidental Masturbator

Reductio ad absurdum /rɪˌdʌktɪəʊ ad abˈsəːdəm/ (idiom) : a method of proving the falsity of a premise by showing that its logical consequence is absurd or contradictory.

Literally, it translates as reduce to absurdity.

Sinful Sunday

Reduce to absurdity?

Continue reading

Bad ideas – 3 : Pandora’s case

Posted in Bad ideas, Fixing a broken marriage, Porn, Sex toys, Underwear with tags , , , on October 5, 2018 by Accidental Masturbator

In case you thought my plotting attempts to passively engage my Wife in conversation about celibacy (or indeed any remedial options) were limited to duplicitous provocations with underwear and laundry, remember there is no shortage of perversions I could allow my Wife stumble upon.

There’s the selection of Continue reading

I’m blaming Jo

Posted in Sex toys with tags , , , , on October 16, 2017 by Accidental Masturbator

It’s your fault, Jo. If you hadn’t been quite so enthusiastic about me trying to recreate your fantastic Sinful Sunday pose. You know the one. The shot from a low level, gazing up your gorgeous legs to your peach of an arse, all naked except for a pair of black fishnet stockings. This picture …

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One of life’s great mysteries

Posted in Dreaming of sex with tags , on August 8, 2017 by Accidental Masturbator

About 4:30am I wake with a hard on.
Standard operating procedure.
I’d been dreaming about sex.
Still nothing unusual.
The dream had been about Continue reading

Now it’s here. Now it’s not.

Posted in Sex toys with tags , on July 3, 2017 by Accidental Masturbator

They arrived.
My New toys.
They look so delightfully kinky.
And yet …
They both look a little bigger than expected. Ironically, both probably

Continue reading

Seven Ages Of Sex (Or rather 9)

Posted in Random stuff about sex with tags , , , , , , , , on June 23, 2015 by Accidental Masturbator

When you’re 5yrs old, kissing is normal. Girls kissing boys. Girls kissing girls. Boys kissing boys.  Boys kissing dads. Mums kissing sons. Everyone snuggling up on the sofa together in their PJs means everything is normal. The world is normal.

When you’re 10yrs old, kissing is yeuch!!! Girls don’t want to go near boys coz they smell, and boys are happy to be left alone to smell. Unless they’re chasing girls and trying to make them inhale. As for your parents kissing and cuddling … double yeuch!!!! That’s sooooo gross! Just as well you’re asleep long before your dad has tied your mum to the bed and she’s eagerly whimpers Harder daddy, harder, Baby’s been a baaad girl and he thrusts his swollen willie up her swollen … oh yeah … willies and … well, girls don’t have willies, do they … that’s all just hilarious.

When you’re 15yrs old, girls want to kiss boys, and Continue reading

The other reason

Posted in Fetishwear, Fixing a broken marriage, Sex on my own, Sex toys, Underwear with tags , , , on July 8, 2014 by Accidental Masturbator

Having said yesterday that there’s still a small part of me that hopes that somehow my Wife might be encouraged / provoked into proudly releasing Her inner slut, there is another, more pragmatic reason why I’d like Her to find some of my porn / sex toys / more sexual clothing. Continue reading

How to use a vibrator properly

Posted in Sex toys with tags , , on January 10, 2014 by Accidental Masturbator

After yesterday’s butt plugging fun, I again found myself scouring the filthy, smut ridden corners of the interent today for pegging videos and especially of the Fun Factory Share XL. Amidst a largely disappointing haul of perversity, I did find one gem, though slightly unrelated.

If you’ve always thought that shoving a silicone phallus up your cunt and orgasming as it buzzed against your clit was the right way to use a vibrator, it turns out you’ve been sadly mistaken. It turns out this is the most fun you can have with a motorised sex toy … Continue reading

Making space

Posted in Fetishwear, Porn, Sex toys, Underwear with tags , , , , , on February 4, 2013 by Accidental Masturbator

The bulk of my sex toys, porn and kinky clothing is kept in My Wooden Chest of Naughty Little Secrets. It is a lockable wooden chest, about 14″ x 10″ x 8″ that was actually my tuck box when I was at boarding school. I’ve never hidden the box itself – it has always just lived openly in my bedroom (when I lived alone), or beside my desk (in our spare bedroom) – but it always remains locked. It currently contains the following: Continue reading

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