Who? Why? What? When?

Accidental masturbator (or AM to his friends in the blogosphere) is a married, British man in his early 40s. He thinks about sex a lot, possibly more than any other subject. He also jerks off lot; in his younger days, as often as 3 or 4 times every day, but he’s slowing down now, and averages 4 to 6 times most weeks. However, occasionally he’ll still bash out 2 or 3 in a day.

AM chose his nom de plume because he never intended to become such a regular wanker, or certainly not having settled down with a long term partner. But his marital bed has never been particularly busy, and of the dozen women he has had sex with, his Wife is the least sexual. At their best, they have fucked a couple of times a month, maybe three, but this has decreased dramatically over the years they have been married, and in the first year this of blog, they went 7 months without a shag, and barely even hugged. It was a difficult time, and there are still many issues to be resolved. Driven, as he is, by his cock, to compensate for the unforseen lack of sex, AM wanks.

Described by one reader as a kinky little thing, AM is not afraid to experiment with sex, and has a lot of fun in the process. He is a big fan (and critic) of porn, with his favourite genres being amateur and vintage. He has a good collection of sex toys, ranging from male masturbators to those most often associated with BDSM, and loves wearing interesting underwear and especially rubber. That said, his marriage is decidedly vanilla, and his Wife is almost completely unaware of AM’s kinks.

AM’s first attempt at blogging was back in about 2007 and saw a hand-full of posts on myspace. It was just a bit of frivoulous titillation, with no real purpose other than to give him a platform to eulogise on his favourite subject. It never really got very far, but at the end of 2011, whilst AM was googling strap-on sex, he stumbled across a WordPress blog post on pegging. It reminded him of his own dormant blog, and inspired him to start again.

Whilst sex is this blog’s raison d’être, it is not just about fucking and wanking. AM writes about his own sex life (with others and solo) and his sexuality, comments on sex topics he finds across the media, and will sometimes share his thoughts on sexual politics. But he also discusses matters that are less sexual, like the mechanics or urinating, or marriage counselling. However, there is invariably a sexual angle to posts. Although he never expected to write so much about his own relationship, this has also become an arena for AM to vent his frustration, and mull over the complexities of his own marriage.


There are a few things worth knowing about this blog:

AM is never shy of using words like cock, cunt and cum – indeed, he gets off on using explicit language at every opportunity – and pornographic images are scattered through many of his posts. So his articles should definitely be considered NSFW (Not Safe For Work). He also likes to post sexual pictures of himself  from time to time in Members Only posts.

Comments are the lifeblood of AM’s blogging, and are positively encouraged. Despite the anonymity of the internet, this has lead AM to discover real friendships with fellow bloggers, many of whom have equally dysfunctional sex lives.

Sometimes AM has engaged in long comment conversations and then deleted them. That is rarely a reflection on the contents of the dialogue, but a long conversation between two indivifuals can sometimes be a little distracting for others reading the post or wanting to coment. Deletion of such is never intended to cause offence.

AM tries to post an entry every few days. Sometimes it’s more, especially if there is something significant going on between him and his Wife.

In his early days on WP, AM read an article on How To Write A Blog. It recommended keeping posts to no more than 1000 words. He frequently fails to comply with this, but most posts do not exceede 1500.

When he started blogging, AM hadn’t come across the use of Upper-Case/lower-case to indicate D/s (Dominant/submissive) dynamics. For one thing D/s isn’t really his thing … except for the occasional game. He didn’t want to use his Wife’s name, or an initial, but still wanted to make it apparent when he was talking about Her. Using a capital initial for the respective pronouns etc was an easy way to do that, and also felt indicative of a degree of respect for his Wife as a person – a bit like giving Her a name (as opposed to signalling the deference of D/s). Having discovered the D/s nomenclature, AM did wonder whether his use of it might cause confusion, but by that stage a) he had been using it for a while and a change could be (mis)interpreted by readers, and b) he just liked using it. (You may also notice he often uses “Dear Reader” in a similar way.) His use of this style should not be taken to imply any conscious sexual pecking order in his marriage.

21 Responses to “Who? Why? What? When?”

  1. I have been Her. We had a long period of zero or virtually no sex (after 3 babies) but I managed to get (more than) my sex drive back a few years ago. I feel for both of you. My problem now is getting Him more interested in doing kinkier things!

    • I wonder if it’s significant that he is now the less sexual one. Do men feel less inclined to try to rebuild a failed sex life? (Rhetorical.)

    • Me too (have been Her), for a long time mainly around the birth of our children but also before hand. I was not in the right mind set to want to keep our sexual relationship healthy (and it is just as important if not more so than other aspects of a marriage). I failed my husband in that regard for too long, and I’m fortunate that he stuck by me. With the way I am now sexually, if my husband behaved the way I had, I can’t say for certain that I would have remained faithful. Now I am completely in touch with my inner kinky self and we are both loving it. I try to apologize often for mistreating him. For a while after my true sexual self was awakened I had to initiate sex. We are now to the point that denial rarely happens from either party and we initiate pretty equally.

      I’m so happy to have stumbled across this blog, I find your humor and honesty refreshing.

    • I find it interesting that you used the words failed and mistreating.
      Despite my own tastes, I’m not really bothered about my Wife discovering Her inner kink. I’d settle for normal.

      I’m glad you like my blog. It’s on a back burner at the moment and I’ve not posted regularly for a couple of months, but I see you’re working your way through the archives and hopefully there’s enough there to keep both your interest piqued and your panties moist.

  2. No, after 3 years I think he’s still in shock that he can pretty much have it whenever! But not being fit for (my) purpose (bad back) and stressed out from work doesn’t help.
    I have to ask, why is She unaware of your ‘kinks’? Why not share?

  3. Oh, that sounds deep…

  4. filledandfooled Says:

    I like you. For one, I feel terribly guilty talking about my husband on my blog because it is a secret from him. But finding others like you, with such a devoted following and obvious friendships with fellow bloggers makes me feel just a little more at peace with my own situation. Two, your writing is fabulous, that should go without saying, so I will say that this post is fabulous, what a great introduction. You seem to be really secure, know who you are, etc. And three, in previous posts I was confused by the capitalization of Wife so I’m glad you cleared that up. 🙂

    • One: I understand your feelings of guilt when blogging about my relationship.
      Two: Thank you for your kind words. It’s possible that either I’m not as secure as I seem, or am more secure than I realise. Hiding behind the anonymity of the web does help.
      Three: I still wonder about dispensing with the capitalisation, but my reasoning stands.

    • filledandfooled Says:

      I like your reasoning, very sweet.

  5. I thought I should come over here and give you a formal “thank you” for the blog follow! I look forward to our continued discussions 🙂


  6. I find it amazing how guys can jack off so much. I dont have any thing against it nor do I feel they are weird, but I think in my whole life I maybe jerked it twice in one day two or three times. I just dont have that much cum in me….

    • Equally I don’t think that’s weird. I believe the average is 2-3 times a week for both men and women, but even that’s in the context of age ranges. I’m certainly slowing down as i head towards #notsoyoung – some weeks most days, others maybe none. It really does underline how sex is all in the head.

  7. Hi AM – Each month I write a summary post and share some links of others work. I also include a few images – would I be able to include the “poster” one of you from a few weeks ago? linking back to your blog?

  8. Thank u – I will link to u by name on twitter too – although i know u don’t have an account – it will be out on my blog by the weekend 😉

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