If you go down in the woods today …

Posted in Random stuff about sex on July 4, 2015 by Accidental Masturbator

If you go down to the woods today, as the nursery rhyme goes, you’re sure of a big surprise.
Well, if you’d gone down to the woods yesterday, or the fields at least, you quite possibly would have had a bit of a surprise.

Well today I again found myself with cause to be wandering through the countryside alone. And again I wanted to Continue reading

Protected: Members only 19

Posted in Members only on July 2, 2015 by Accidental Masturbator

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Honest porn

Posted in Porn with tags on June 29, 2015 by Accidental Masturbator

Thankfully, since Google disappeared up its prudish arse, it has seen the error of its ways, and for the most part, I have found that if you suffix a search term with porn, that is what you get. In Google’s defense, that seems like a good compromise. It is also how I source most of my wank inspiration.

And so, last night, as I lay in bed, I reached for Continue reading

New fantasy

Posted in Meet the Masturbator with tags , , , on June 28, 2015 by Accidental Masturbator

I have a new fantasy.
Well, not so much a new one, but rather an extension of a long standing fantasy, combined with unsatiated curiosity.

A few months ago we watched a film which had a higher than average number of scenes that were explicitly, if only mildly graphically, sexual. One in particular was a Continue reading

Seven Ages Of Sex (Or rather 9)

Posted in Random stuff about sex with tags , , , , , , , , on June 23, 2015 by Accidental Masturbator

When you’re 5yrs old, kissing is normal. Girls kissing boys. Girls kissing girls. Boys kissing boys.  Boys kissing dads. Mums kissing sons. Everyone snuggling up on the sofa together in their PJs means everything is normal. The world is normal.

When you’re 10yrs old, kissing is yeuch!!! Girls don’t want to go near boys coz they smell, and boys are happy to be left alone to smell. Unless they’re chasing girls and trying to make them inhale. As for your parents kissing and cuddling … double yeuch!!!! That’s sooooo gross! Just as well you’re asleep long before your dad has tied your mum to the bed and she’s eagerly whimpers Harder daddy, harder, Baby’s been a baaad girl and he thrusts his swollen willie up her swollen … oh yeah … willies and … well, girls don’t have willies, do they … that’s all just hilarious.

When you’re 15yrs old, girls want to kiss boys, and Continue reading

The acceptable face

Posted in Random stuff about sex with tags , , , , , , , on June 20, 2015 by Accidental Masturbator

Yesterday I was in the mood to buy a new porn DVD. Whilst the supply of web-porn is inexhaustible, and I enjoy tossing off to the films I own, I just felt like looking at some difference combinations of cunts and cocks. As I was going to be driving to Notfarfromhomeville today (to get my pubes waxed) I wondered if Continue reading

Working arrangements 

Posted in Escorts, Fiction with tags , , , , on June 16, 2015 by Accidental Masturbator

Times have been tough, but they’ve been picking up. With more time on my hands and an improving employment market I found myself in a new job. It’s not an exciting job, though far better than stacking shelves on the night shift. It’s just running the desk in a small, middle weight hotel. The pay is ok, the hours are regular, I’m pretty much left to my own devices, and the benefits have turned out to be surprisingly good. Financially and …

Picture the scene:

It was a slow, boring afternoon, a few weeks after I’d started working there and in she walks. I guess she’s mid 30s, has a slim athletic build with nice tits (I guess a C-cup), average height, long Continue reading


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