Thanks for all the fish

Posted in Fixing a broken marriage with tags on October 12, 2020 by Accidental Masturbator

It seems perverse, after so long.
So long blogging about a failing marriage.
So long barely blogging at all.
So long not saying let’s get a divorce.

Well, not any more.

It’s done.
I’ve said it.
I’ve said Let’s get a divorce.

That’s not strictly accurate. What I said was probably more like We’re getting a divorce.

Oh why am I telling You, Dear Reader? I’ve told you precious little in the last few months. Prior to that, I’ve only told you my side of the story. It’s none of your concern. It’s arguably not mine to share with you. Especially after so long.

But fuck! Who else am I gonna tell?

It’s been so long.
I tried for so long.
Or maybe not.
Probably I gave up so long ago.

The ripples of the past will be felt so long into the future.

So long, and thanks for all the fish.

Sinful Sunday 493 – Two face

Posted in Sinful Sunday with tags , , on September 19, 2020 by Accidental Masturbator

Lockdown has seen many of us get hairy. Deprived of access to waxing salons, bushes have turned to forests. From porcelain smooth to rough thatch.

Sinful Sunday

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Sinful Sunday 492 – Untitled

Posted in Sinful Sunday with tags on September 13, 2020 by Accidental Masturbator

“Sinful Sunday is ALL about the image. It’s a time and a place …”

Sinful Sunday

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Posted in Fixing a broken marriage, Kirsty with tags , , , , , , , on August 17, 2020 by Accidental Masturbator

The last few weeks have been tough at Chez AM. I’m not going into details, but both my Wife and I seem to have felt increasingly that We’re on the brink of divorce. Even our weekly counselling sessions have been turbulent.

Amidst that, somehow We agreed We would sit down this last weekend and talk. One thing that has become increasingly apparent recently is our ability to have the same conversation and yet walk away from it as if We had had two entirely different conversations. So even that conversation nearly didn’t happen. Nearly.

Kirsty, our counsellor, has recently asked Us to think about what would be Enough to save the marriage. What would We respectively need as a minimum for it to be worth saving?
There was some discussion of Enough, and other things – fractious discussion – and then, at my insistence, We talked a bit about sex.
Yes. Dear Reader, We actually talked about sex.
Again, I’m not going into detail for the most part, but …

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Sinful Sunday 484 – Drained

Posted in Sex on my own, Sinful Sunday, Sinful Sunday Pick-of-the-week with tags , , , on July 18, 2020 by Accidental Masturbator

Having restricted use of an arm, albeit only temporarily through injury, has been a salutary experience. Especially as it has been that of my dominant hand. The number of things that have been harder to do has been innumerable. Chopping vegetables and making toast have been difficult at best, and not being allowed to carry anything of weight or drive has meant I can’t do the supermarket run. On a more personal note, (assuming your’e right handed) brushing one’s teeth left handed is surprisingly difficult and, as you will appreciate, Dear Penis-ed Reader, if like me you wear briefs, trunks or thongs rather than boxers, even getting your cock out for a piss with just your left hand is a real challenge. As a result, I haven’t worn underwear for a month.

But worst of all, Continue reading


Posted in Fixing a broken marriage with tags , , on July 18, 2020 by Accidental Masturbator

I stopped wearing my wedding ring years ago. Well, I stopped wearing it on my hand. Instead it has hung on a chord around my neck, like some cadaverous albatross. Maybe that sounds a little morbid, but the chronic dysfunction of our relationship has long led me to feel We have not been married for most of Our marriage.

In the meantime, Continue reading


Posted in Fixing a broken marriage, Kirsty with tags , , , on July 17, 2020 by Accidental Masturbator

It took more than 20 counselling sessions to get to the big stuff.
With two such sessions under our belt, there was perhaps some sense of progress, but my belief that what We respectively want from a marriage may yet prove incompatible, insufficient to sustain Our’s, and divorce may yet be the most logical way forward … this seemed to come as a surprise to my Wife.
We stumbled through the first half of the session, throughout which I knew there was an all too familiar elephant in the room.

Although I know it needs Continue reading

Equally conflicted

Posted in Fixing a broken marriage, Kirsty, Random stuff about sex with tags , , , , on July 13, 2020 by Accidental Masturbator

In Our last two relationship counselling sessions with Kirsty, We have finally got round to talking about the the big stuff. The things that you don’t talk about in polite conversation: Politics, Sex, Money and Religion – the Four Topics of The Apocalypse. Despite my having had 3 individual sessions with Kirsty just talking about Sex and, to the best of my knowledge, my Wife having one of Her own [Ed: It is difficult to know whether that 3:1 ratio has more to do with AM being proportionately more willing to talk about the sex, or that his Wife just has disproportionately little to discuss.] it is perhaps less surprising than disappointing that Continue reading


Posted in Fixing a broken marriage, Poetry with tags , , on July 11, 2020 by Accidental Masturbator

half empty half warm
cotton wrapped from night till day
the most lonely place

Sinful Sunday 482 – Hair

Posted in Male pubic waxing with tags , , on July 4, 2020 by Accidental Masturbator

Every few weeks since the UK went into COVID lockdown, I have received a text message from the beautician that I get waxed by, relating how professional advice still prevents her from running her business face to face. [Ed: Or more accurately, for many of her clients, both male and female, face to crotch.]

Sinful Sunday

Whilst some will have doubtless resorted to Continue reading

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