Do bears fuck in the woods?

Posted in Meet the Masturbator with tags , , , , , on February 7, 2016 by Accidental Masturbator

Remember that song from when you were a kid? You know the one:

If you go down to the woods today
You’re sure of a big surprise
For every bear that ever there was
Will gather there for certain, because
Today’s the day the Teddy Bears disapear off into the woods,
all dressed up in kinky stuff, and indulge in hedonsitic, depraved acts with eachother, or anything else they can lay their dirty little paws upon.

That’s how it went.
Wasn’t it?
Maybe not … or Continue reading

Rubbery rainbow

Posted in Fetishwear, Porn on February 5, 2016 by Accidental Masturbator

Just a little self pimping today. Well sort of self. Because whilst it’s me, it’s really other people.

Having recently discovered the pervy delights of Tumblr, for the moment I’ve found myself using it as my prefered provider of porn. Except most of what I’m enjoying isn’t quite porn, because Continue reading

Win some, loose some

Posted in Fixing a broken marriage, Underwear with tags , on February 3, 2016 by Accidental Masturbator

Whilst there were a couple of militaristic analogies drawn in Black (lace) ops and Enemy (panty) lines, it was not with a combative mindset that I embarked on my destructive subterfuge. My intentions were more catalytic than combative.

I hoped that hastening the demise of Continue reading

Nadir

Posted in Fixing a broken marriage on February 2, 2016 by Accidental Masturbator

And this is it. We are back Live from the world of AM. The I Know I Said I Wouldn’t saga is complete, spanning 16 Episodes and just under a year. Anything on the subject that follows is pretty much as it happens. If you’ve got to this post without reading the last few episodes, I’d advise you do so. Just for the sake of background knowledge.

Day 5312
Today
The foreplay was hard work. Not really hard work, but hard enough that I needed to remind myself that it was worth the effort. And it was worth the effort. It was good. I enjoyed myself. I enjoyed Her enjoying Herself. My cock hardly Continue reading

I know I said I wouldn’t … Pt 16

Posted in Fixing a broken marriage on February 2, 2016 by Accidental Masturbator

This is it, Dear Reader. The last installment of the I Know I Said I Wouldn’t saga that will bring you up to date. I wasn’t going to post it today, but after this morning, I just feel it’s time to get all this catching up out of the way. An individual post will follow today as well, but it’s probably worth making sure you’re up to speed first.

Day 5304
I put a hand on Her thigh long before the alarm went off.
Her: How are you doing.
Me: Fine.
Her: I guess I should take it as a positive that you’re trying to have sex. But Continue reading

I know I said I wouldn’t … Pt 15

Posted in Fixing a broken marriage on February 1, 2016 by Accidental Masturbator

Day 5296
A night out again. [This is not likely to be a continuing occurrence. Just a couple of consecutive weekends where there have been things we, as parents, wanted to do specifically without juvenile company.]
It’s anything but early. Nearly an hour after we’d usually be up on a week day and around the time She usually stirs when I’ve got up earlier than Her at the weekend.
I put my hand on Continue reading

Talc talk

Posted in Fetishwear, Parentiing and sex with tags , on January 30, 2016 by Accidental Masturbator

I had to laugh.
[This is another one of those posts where you have to stick with me if you want anything about sex.]

I have no experience of verrucas. Despite spending more time in my youth beasting myself up and down swimming pools than I have latterly wasted on the sofa, I’ve never had a verruca. So as a Continue reading

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