Sinful Sunday 359 – Slough

Posted in Male pubic waxing, Sinful Sunday with tags , , on February 25, 2018 by Accidental Masturbator

slough : /slʌf/ verb
(gerund or present participle: sloughing)
shed or remove (a layer of dead skin)

A few weeks ago I was hit by a Continue reading

Aftermath #4

Posted in Fixing a broken marriage, Sex therapy with tags , , , , on February 24, 2018 by Accidental Masturbator

On my way home after Session #4, I picked up a bottle of gin to soothe my wounds.
By the time my Wife got home from work that evening I’d sunk most of it.
After supper We talked.

Unfortunately I was sufficiently pissed that I can’t remember much of what was said. But with inhibitions well soaked, I spelt out some of what I felt needed addressing.

• I feel that She is failing to recognise that Continue reading

One step forward, two steps back.

Posted in Fixing a broken marriage, Sex therapy with tags , , , , , , , , on February 23, 2018 by Accidental Masturbator

Relationship Counselling / Sex Therapy : Session #4.
It’s 3 weeks since our last session.
At Session #3, The Big Bad had been mentioned as a subject for future discussion.
Obviously by The Big Bad, I mean SEX.

We didn’t start talking about sex.

How were we doing?
My Wife opined We had been burying our heads in the sand.
Sue (our counsellor/therapist) was sympathetic and understood that sometimes that’s a safe way to deal with things.
I observed that We have been sticking our heads in the sand for years.

Contrary to our last session, when I was inclined to withdraw from contributing, I said how I felt much of the counselling process had, to date, been about My frustrations.
My Wife said that reflected how She felt My frustrations were the defining issue of Our difficulties. She thought She was ok with the other things, and it was Me that was dissatisfied.
Obviously, this is patently bollocks. She knows damn well there is a problem and that a relationship takes two, and … and … and  … and I observed how the implication is that it’s my fault. That I am the problem.

Why?
Can someone tell me why I am the problem? Maybe I am. But am I the only problem?

And relatively quickly there was mention of The Physical Relationship.
I picked up the baton, and then just as quickly had to haul on the brakes …
Me: [… yada yada yada … something about] … The Physical Relationship. Hang on … hang on … let’s stop beating about the bush. We’re talking about SEX!
And then all three of us carried on talking about The Physical Relationship. [cue internal exasperated sigh]
My Wife brought up Her need for an emotional connection before sex was a consideration.
Sue thought that was understandable.
I said I wasn’t sure which was the chicken and which is the egg. And anyway, sex had always been difficult. It had never been an easy ride.
[And yes, I was aware of the double entendres with my use of bush and ride. Neither were intentional innuendos, and I nearly stopped myself using them both, but y’know what … fuck it!]

My Wife made cursory reference to the difference in our libidos. She observed that Her needs are minimal: whilst I want sex once or twice a day or whatever, She may only want sex once a week … or less.
Patient Reader, if my Wife wanted sex once a week I would be delighted. If She wanted sex once a fortnight I could at least be vaguely satiated.

Sue asked whether there had been a trigger to the end of The Physical Relationship?
My Wife suggested it was after we became parents.
Well colour me cynical and condemn me for calling that too easy a card to play. I reprised my assertion that our difficulties with sex had long predated parenthood. I was quoted as having said, years ago, that on becoming parents I had become a Third Class Citizen. And before you condemn me, Dear Matriarchs, consider how, when a couple become parents, everyone asks after the welfare of the physically, emotionally, hormonally assaulted mother, and the beautiful, innocent, delightful little darling … and yet, when the father has to adopt a role absolute support, who has ever asked of that father how are you coping? As men we are supposed to be getting in touch with our softer sides, and yet we are simultaneously obliged to be relentlessly indestructible. No one asks how fathers are.
BUT … let’s not forget … and I had to iterate this … OUR problems with sex and hierarchy and control go back way before We were hit by the sledgehammer of parenting.

I related how I’d given up trying to initiate sex long before we were even married. There was just no point. I just met with rejection. And my frustration of explaining this now just ground to a halt … my frustration just leaving the word … “just” … hanging in the air.
Sue: Just what?
Me: I’m biting my tongue. Because I don’t want to criticise <my wife> And yet again the discussion is coming round to Me.
(Considering Her objection to my referring to Her as “my Wife” I used my Wife’s name).

Somehow we got round to the fact that what I want form a relationship is to be able to give. At Xmas and for birthdays, I almost always prefer giving to receiving. I am someone who wants to give.
I need to be able to give.
There was discussion of our choice of restaurants, and how I can say let’s go to X and We will then look at 5 more restaurants before we don’t go back to where I suggested.
Why did I not say what I wanted? She supposed I was going to say I was always acquiescing?
YES!
Sue suggested it might be good ir I said what I wanted.
But what if what I want is to give? Yet I’m not allowed to do that.
[Ed: For all that we here at AM Publishing Inc take the piss out of AM, please afford him some sympathy here. AM’s partner’s orgasms are far more important to him than his own. And this is indicative of all his relationships – platonic, romantic and sexual. He wants to give. He wants to make things good for other people. He really does. Perhaps more of that in future posts.]

My Wife brought up the issue of The Theatre Show. How, in the early years of our relationship, I had bough tickets for Us to see The Theatre Show for Her birthday. I had made it a surprise. I had told Her We were going out for an evening experience, but as we walked to the venue She got really up tight about the fact that She didn’t know where She was going. If She had known in advance, She could have  enjoyed the anticipation.
I couldn’t remember specifically, but I was as certain as I could be that We had discussed The Theatre Show.
Ok, so She wants Us to have discussed what We are going to do. We had discussed The Theatre Show. I had listened. And I had bought tickets. Did She not trust me to get it right?
Not entirely.
I brought up how I had gone to great lengths and expense to get a second edition copy of a book She had lauded numerous times imported from the USA. (I had wanted a first edition, but had failed in the timeframe.) And when I had given it to Her She had been dismissive as She already had a copy.
She doesn’t want people to go to great trouble when it isn’t for something that She wants.
I put my hand up, like a reluctant school boy, and asked if I could offer one word.
Permission was granted.
Control.
Maybe, my Wife conceded, but …
Sue tried to dig into this a little with my Wife.
Again, somehow it came back to My difficulty in dealing with how my Wife is.
Is this, Biassed Reader, yet another example of it all being blamed on me?

There was also discussion about how, when I suggest a restaurant / holiday / new toaster etc, that “We” invariably keep looking at options and end up with something/somewhere else. In my head, if I suggest something, it’s because I like that option. I explained this in the context of some training my Wife did years ago, in which She was introduced to aspects of Japanese culture – in Japan, rather than someone saying they’d like a window opened, they will ask someone else if they are warm enough. (Or something like that.)
She again conceded this MAY be valid … though later threw in a rebuttal because in Japan there would be so many other cultural influences underpinning it.
Me: Can I offer the same word again?
Sue: Yes?
Me: Control.
My Wife: You didn’t say freak.
Me: That’s your word. I’d never heard the phrase until you used it to describe yourself.
This lead to Sue asking me How would it feel … if I was more positive about my suggestions. To take control.
And again we were back to me having to make changes.
I pointed out that I have taken control. I have withdrawn from sex. I have taken the decision to move out of Our bedroom. I have taken control.

As we came to the end of the session, I tried to make some headway.
If I keep suggesting something could my Wife see that it might be what I want to do? She conceded.
A couple more questions to Her in a similar vein, trying to get Her to acknowledge my point of view may have some validity. She conceded, apparently reluctantly.
Could She see my why I find it difficult to show affection towards Her? She started talking about the relationship.
I asked the question again. Again, it was evaded.
And a third time. And only when pressed for an answer, there was a “Yes, but …”
At least these concessions, as hard won as they were, felt like progress, and I said so.

This is like so many replies that come from Her:
“Sorry, but …” or “I’m sorry you feel that way.” To me that’s not an apology or acceptance of responsibility, but rather an expression of disappointment that someone else thinks they have been wronged.
Then there’s “Thank you, but …” which means I didn’t want it.
“Yes, but …”
To my mind She just keeps displaying a reluctance to accept any responsibility for Our problems.

As we drove away from Session #4, there was silence in the car. Neither of us spoke.

DLS 19: Defiance

Posted in Dirty Little Secrets, Sex therapy with tags , , , on February 22, 2018 by Accidental Masturbator

There are some things I do, if not entirely, at least partially out of defiance. Fuck the world!!! This is not indicative of maturity, I know, but as a man I’m only expected to have the maturity of a 14yr old … at best.

When I reach for the gin and top up my glass for the third time in an evening, whilst I genuinely like the taste and am far from averse to intoxication, as my Wife does not consume much alcohol, there is a touch of defiance in my imbibing.

When I wank, although I Continue reading

Time for a clear out

Posted in Fetishwear, Porn, Sex therapy, Sex toys, Underwear with tags on February 20, 2018 by Accidental Masturbator

It’s time for a clear out.

Between the masturbators, anal toys, adult VHS and DVDs, ball stretchers, handcuffs, porn mags, chastity cage, ruberwear, books of vintage porn, pervy ornaments and the now packed-away thong collection … amongst other things … I felt it was time for a clear out.

Partly because Continue reading

Sinful Sunday 358 – Self loathing

Posted in Male pubic waxing, Sinful Sunday, Sinful Sunday Pick-of-the-week with tags , , , , on February 17, 2018 by Accidental Masturbator

Self loathing takes many forms. For some it manifests as a dislike for their body, whilst others dislike their personality. I suspect I am not unlike most people, especially the noble band of sexual misfits that regularly submit exhibitionist images for Sinful Sunday: there are some aspects of my personality which I like, and some I would willingly change if I could figure out how; similarly there are parts of my body I like, and others that do not take a form that pleases me to look at.

Mostly I’m OK with my body – I’d be happy to Continue reading

Sugestive

Posted in Random stuff about sex with tags , , , on February 15, 2018 by Accidental Masturbator

If you use WordPress for a blog, Dear Reader, you will recognise the graphic below, or at least its form.
If not, don’t worry.

As I wrote a recent post, and decided on tags, the name Aphrodite – the ancient Greek goddess of beauty – seemed apt.

As I Continue reading

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